"Babe, Wake up" Eric said to his wife. "Mmmnn" mumbled Caitlin. The morning was dreary, Caitlin's favorite weather. Cait, the Meta Alarm went off". Caitlin's icy blue eyes shot open real fast. "What is the problem this time" she said as she sat up. " A new meta human was spotted around Iron Heights. Alright I'll go in. Caitlin got up out of bed and dressed in dark blue leather pants. A icy blue tank top under a baby blue jean jacket matched perfectly. Putting on black, high top, boots, she was ready to go to S.T.A.R Labs. "I'll be there in a minute" Eric called as he threw Caitlin her spare ring to create a portal to go anywhere she wanted. Eric, who's doppelganger's name is Vibe) is a Viber and can create time, space and location portals. Caitlin put on the ring, then closed her eyes imagining she was going through time and space to S.T.A.R Labs. A portal opened and she stepped through
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
Why hello there, welcome to YWS! Glad to see a work from you! Considering that this chapter is on the shorter side, I’m going to try and flesh out as much critique as I can in the small amount of writing, but bear with me (it may be a quick review)!
I’m going to trust that this has been suggested already, but typical novel format has breaking between each piece of dialogue. This not only makes it easier to read but also helps the flow from one person speaking to another!
Make sure to have “an” and not “a” before all words starting with a vowel!
There was some kind of urgency to the writing. The pace seemed quickened for the sole purpose of the plot. I think this chapter itself could have more content or depth to it. I would say the sentences are blunt, but they are more just straight-forward in structure and content. For example:
This one singular sentence gives us a whole bunch of information just on Eric and his doppleganger, which is a lot to take in. It’s also an awkward sentence in everything that’s happening and there may be a better time to later include this. I think this chapter may not have been the most appropriate time to mention this, especially since the pacing is so fast. I do think it is important to include at some point though! (Also I wonder how Caitlin ended up with Cisco’s doppleganger?)
Perhaps another thing you can work on is the character development. Specifically, weaving in Caitlin’s thought processes, her expressions, personality, etc. That way we can really connect with Caitlin! It’s especially important to be cautious about this when you’re starting a novel off with lots of action.
Also, I’m a little confused why Caitlin is going to STAR Labs when the meta is at Iron Heights and she said she was “going in”? I know based off the show that she usually helps at STAR Labs, but I think those who might not know that or even just for clarification, there should be something mentioned about this. Maybe talk about her team and what she usually does to help, or just specify what “going in” means.
I like Eric. We didn’t get much out of him, but he seems like a good edition and I like how you’ve changed things up from the show, though not too much! I hope this review helped! It was fun to see a Flash story on here!
Hello fellow Flash fan ^_^
"Babe, Wake up" Eric said to his wife.
The biggest advice I’m going to dish out here is to format your writing, because reading a block of text isn’t fun. You can write the coolest, funniest, most original story in the world, but if you don’t format it then nobody is going to read it in any serious capacity. I don't even mind spelling mistakes or missing/incorrect punctuation. That's easy to ignore. But missing breaks between paragraphs? Too challenging to read.
A good rule of thumb is to start a new paragraph whenever a new character is speaking or when the subject of your paragraph changes significantly. So for example, “Mmmnn” needs to start on its own paragraph. I've reformatted so you can hopefully see what I mean, I'm bad with explaining things. See the spoiler below.
The only other things I will mention are:
1) This is a fan-fiction so you should probably tag it as such. Mostly because, some people really love fan-fiction and others really don't, so you should give people a heads up. Second, because this is based on Flash, people should be aware that you might be writing this story with the assumption that they already know about the canon elements, because let's face it, the Flash universe is complex haha.
2) You should try to hold back publishing the story until you have written a little bit more. It's really hard to review a story when not much has happened yet. Most people tend to post around 1,000 words, because it lets people really get a glimpse of what is and isn't working with the story and provide feedback accordingly.
-Zoom
Spoiler
"Mmmnn" mumbled Caitlin. The morning was dreary, Caitlin's favorite weather.
Cait, the Meta Alarm went off".
Caitlin's icy blue eyes shot open real fast. "What is the problem this time" she said as she sat up.
" A new meta human was spotted around Iron Heights.
Alright I'll go in. is this meant to be thoughts or dialog?
Caitlin got up out of bed and dressed in dark blue leather pants. A icy blue tank top under a baby blue jean jacket matched perfectly. Putting on black, high top, boots, she was ready to go to S.T.A.R Labs.
"I'll be there in a minute" Eric called as he threw Caitlin her spare ring to create a portal to go anywhere she wanted. Eric, who's doppelganger's name is Vibe) is a Viber and can create time, space and location portals.
Caitlin put on the ring, then closed her eyes imagining she was going through time and space to S.T.A.R Labs. A portal opened and she stepped through