because my body was nothing
it could be taken from me.
listen:
i am the whisper in the forest;
i am the paved over clearing;
i am the look in his eyes, green;
listen.
because my body was everything
it had to be taken from me.
my throat frays, but the tree cannot
record the sound of it falling, only the man
who promises life or the suggestion of it;
it is my body, but it is not
my body, a back and forth,
a swing.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hmph. I am not one to read poetry oftentimes, but I wanted to try my hand at this.
This poem has, at first glance, the glimmer of something primordial, and the language is well-tended without a doubt. It gestures toward violence, reclamation, dissolution of self, embodiment and disembodiment. All good ingredients. Apoem this short must make every gesture matter; here, the gestures are intriguing but scattered. The whisper, the clearing, the green-eyed look, the man, the tree, the body, the swing, the... what else? Each is introduced with the gravity of becoming something of a symbol, but none remain long enough to cohere into meaning.
There is a sense of evasiveness masquerading as mystique here. You tell that the body was nothing, and therefore it could be taken; then the body was everything, and therefore it had to be taken. This is a compelling paradox, but the poem does not unpack it so much as re-state it with different punctuation. I don't find myself wanting more explanation because, oh dear, forbid explanation in poetry, but I do want more intention behind each image. When the poem ends, the reader does not walk away with the satisfying ache of something concluded, or the electrifying vertigo of something purposefully unresolved, but they are left with simply the sense that the poem is over.
Decide what exactly is being taken. Is it the "life or the suggestion of it," or something else? What body? Whose forest? Why green eyes, and why the taking? The poem seems to withhold information that could be executed well in the greater context of the intended message.
“because my body was nothing / it could be taken from me.” — That first line really caught my eye and held me the whole way through this poem.
I really like the strong contrasts that make the poem feel haunting and beautiful. The switch between “because my body was nothing” and “because my body was everything” and 'it is my body, but it is not' are just wonderful.
Your word choice feels carefully chosen to suit the scenario. I like how the fragmented imagery and repetition build suspense and confusion—Leaving me wondering whats goin on even after I'm done although I also find it unsettling. Overall, I think it’s a really powerful piece.
I can't believe this has no reviews yet. It's actually goood!
thanks !!
Ooo. this is a nice poem. keep up the good work although it could use a bit better wording in the starting of the second para instead of "listen:" otherwise sick poem.
thanks !!