This is Kaos here for a review!
This poem feels more narrative-like to me though you do keep a poetic feel to it. I
You do a lot of repeating in this poem and it was one of the weaknesses of it for me. If you're going to repeat something, then you should do it for a reason. For example, you can repeat something to add onto it and add more detail than there was before. Another thing you could do is repeating it to create emphasis on it. A person can say "I like ice cream" once, and we know that they like ice cream, but if they say they like ice cream, say, three times, we know that they /really/ like ice cream. The amount of dead space between the repetition also accounts for this. If it's right beside each other, it'll be differently perceived by the reader than if it was at the end of the poem.
Some of the imagery here works well with me like the Lysol cologne but the other part of it seems like a mess and it doesn't really have a direction for me. One thing I did like that you were trying to do with this is cut down on the ideas of fireworks exploding when the speaker and their partner kiss or some other cliche like that. The only critique I really have on that is that the format of "it wasn't like" or "it wasn't" does get stale and you need to find a way to mix it up from that.
The end of the poem didn't really do anything for me, and I found the "I hope" repetitive. It was generic and didn't really do anything new. It tries to tie itself back to the start of the poem by mostly just saying the same thing as the first lines for the last lines, which could make for an interesting concept but it didn't work here. I wanted to see more inventive ways for the imagery to come into the poem but I didn't really get that here.
Describe the scene, describe the cold December morning with all of your five senses. How did it feel, look like, sound like, smell like, even taste like? This adds a sense of atmosphere to the poem. One thing I do have to say about the poem is that I love usages of real experiences in poetry, and it specifically strengthens love poetry, making it more distinct. The one thing that I think you could do is make it more down to earth, since it already is seemingly going for that tone, but with the colors in the sky and all that sort of cliched stuff it weighs down the poem and the parts that are good.
I hope this helped and have a great day!
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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