All my life I'd spent whishing I was someone else. someone who was contened with the daily normal shit of life. But that wasent what I wanted to spent this far too short life on. I realised theres a small possiblity of hope for me in one single night. All my insparation-one concert, one song one moment.
Newton Faulkner stood on stage, his undiscrible undiscrbabilaty flowed through my mind. Without thinking I was singing in my low, gruffy voice, hoping no-one heard me. That was the first time I laughed and cried at the same time. then, for a breif moment I met his eyes. it was like he wa singing to me, like the words were directed at my life and ambitions. An uncontrollable smile made my tears turn to pearls as the bounce on to the floor. His eyes gleemed bright and dread locks swayed in the heat of the moment. I iamgened it- Acheving everything you coud ever want and being compleatly sure of youself. I want that. I despartly tried to keep singin but my heart ushed its way on to my sleeve. My tears went from pearls to diamonds in the sudden realisation...
This is who I am, and this is what I want...
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hey moonstar!
I liked this. You had a great plot and a good imagery.
You had a lot of grammatical mistakes. You spelled a ton of things wrong, and you skipped a comma here and there. Did you do that on purpose?
I'd suggest taking out the last few periods and just put one. It would sound a bit better and create a stronger ending.
What do you mean by this?
Personally, I would say, "All my inspiration in one concert, one song, one moment." It makes a bit more sense then what you said.
Otherwise, great job! Keep writing!
zOe
PM me if you have questions.