Published January 20, 2011
-Left out no shelter-
Left out no shelter
Dried out, no more tears to cry
A new grave is dug
I drop crimson tears
For all the loathing and pain,
They wash them away
I looked for shelter
In the insides of the earth
Entombed, I am now
-Inside the lands womb-
Laying in my grave
I scream at the now grey skies
They will never hear
My silent laments.
And my angel, is now gone
Left me, with no hope
Tunnel of hope.
I dug my way out
To find a world, so corrupt
No light found outside
This tunnel of hope
Never lead me to heaven
Hell's gates now open
Final trip.
I dug my way down
To blow the flame of my life
The cold earth greets me
Return to the core.
Return to the core
To give peace to your own life
And never come out
For this is my fate
To lay inert on this grave
Forever entombed
Forever alone,
I've now sealed my destiny
I'm left to bleed out...
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hmm...this is very unique. One thing would be to capatalize all i's when they should be I's. Also, capatalizing the beginning of each line would make its appearance look cleaner. Like emmaline said, I think a second draft couldn't hurt. Poems often take time to be fully understanded and written properly. But other then that, I say well done and keep writing!!
I think this is interesting. Your words are actually sort of original for this type of poem. There are a lot of poems like this, but it's still original, and that's impressive. I'd suggest trying a second draft, even a third--don't be afraid to spend a lot of time on it!