Published June 9, 2011
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,560 Reviews
your poem was good, so keep writing. the flow was good and i hope to read more.
Hey, I just wanted to thank everyone for critiquing my poem I'm glad that you all liked it, and I hope you will continue to read my poems as I post them!
Hiya,
First, let me just say that I loved this poem. I'm 17, and I would kill to write like that! The emotion is raw, and the words are simple. It is one of the best poems I have read on here today.
I don't think I have anything bad to say about the poem. The only nit pick is the stanzas are slightly uneven which may mess with the structure and flow of the poem, but that's just me, being a bit OCD!
The message wasn't 100% clear, but that's what made the poem so good, you left room for thinking and choosing what we want the poem to be about. You really dragged the reader in, and I didn't feel strained to read all the way to the end. I enjoyed reading it, and that's a hard to thing to do. One tip I would give, is not to over describe things, leave some blank spaces and the reader can fill them with his or her choices.
Keep writing and editing this poem until you know it off by heart, and then you could go somewhere with it, and show more people how good it really is! It's brimming with potential!
The best bit was more then likely these lines:
I also really like the first stanza, it could have been good as a first all last stanza, and it would have made sense.
Keep writing!
HAYLEY
xx
Hi these. I can se your new, so I'd first like to say welcome.
This is very good. The language is reallty lovley and so is the subject matter.
The only thing I have against it is the rhyming. This is only my personal opion but I always find ryhme in poem a bit annoying and simplistic most of the time.
However, this is still really good and I think you should continue to work on it.
Wonderful! I loved it! It made me smile...and took me out of my dark mood (I just came out of Algebra)
Keep writing!!!
KJR
Thank you vampire
and yea, i guess it does flow better. Thank you tgirly
I think it might flow better if it was:
Be it France or England or countries laden with snow.
But other than that, it's pretty good.
I just wanna start off by saying that I love the topic that you chose to write about.
Just know this, my dear, that whenever 'tis night
And the moon shines upon you, and you bask in it's light
Emotions will flow in this heart of mine,
Knowing wherever I am the same moon does shine-
And I'll whisper those words that I know to be true,
Those four simple words, "I'll always love you"
that was my favorite part I just loved the way you ended it.
Keep up the good work I would love to read some more of your work.