Published February 15, 2010
Fly away like a bird,
Yet you sit there still.
Your eyes wandering around,
Never to cease.
Your mind drifting away,
Never to be found again.
Your fingers tapping the table,
Bored with the world.
Your lips silent and closed,
Too tired to speak.
Your ears barely listening,
Too many sounds and voices.
Sitting there in your favorite chair,
Losing yourself in a daydream.
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Canary word: Present
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Sorry, redo. I can tell you that it was beautifully written. I loved the way you wrote it, and I really want an0other one to feast my eyes upon!
Speechless. That was brilliant. Do it again!!
Cheez!
This is much better. Not totally energy-sucking.
Although, as it is a poem about doing nothing, there's nothing doing. No interest. No POP. Expand on the poem. Think on the term "daydream" there was no dream there; just what the dreamer looked like to other people. Boring. Give me emotion. Any emotion but love.
Many thanks!
I don't have any critique for you Lindsey, but I can tell you that I liked it.
I, like many, am very interested in creating my own book of poetry. I would very much appreciate any an all critiques that you have, as I highly value the critiques of my peers.
Cheers!
Lindsey