Young Writers Society

Hey Minakshi!
It was a short and simple poem but still I could feel strong vibes coming out of it. You chose a very intense idea of depression, something many people overlook as just a state of being sad and isolated but I know this a serious mental health issue!
I liked structure of your poem though I don't think use of so many periods is required but it's your choice so that's fine.
This small quoted line

"may she rest in peace"

Because depression wasn't there
for the first time..
She had already tasted this
sour lime.

Keep writing!

This is so cool and very relatable. One question that I did have had to do with your periods. Is there a reason that you have three sometimes and two others. That really messes with my brain. But that is just a visual thing. The writing itself is phenomenal. Poetry is a very raw and full of emotion, so it can sometimes be hard to share... Thank you so much for sharing.

This poem hit me like a ton of bricks. The implications here are devastating. This is some great stuff! I like that you didn’t go with obvious metaphors. The metaphor of a war is really smart! Also, I usually see poems like this be written from the focus character’s perspective, but you decided to go for the less obvious POV of an outsider. I think that works really well for you! The sole flaw for me is that you seemed to have tripped up the rhyme scheme for the final few lines. You only had one line in between the rhyming lines instead of two. But that’s just me nitpicking! Keep up the good work!

Hey,
I loved your work.
It struck me really hard. The emotional essence of the poem can be felt by the reader . How one can hide deep feelings inside and can fake a smile and fool the world is really touching. The rhyme scheme gives and extra touch to the poem. The poem really appealed to my heart to cry out loud. My favourite line is;
"Because depression wasn't there for the first time. She has already tasted this sour lime.
Great work.
Bravo.