Young Writers Society

GOOD! but nothing special.

Anyway its just a start,this may be your second poem(if I am not wrong),YOU CAN DO MUCH BETTER.

Can I just say "What she said" and call that a review? LOL.

But seriously, they're right. This is very basic. Tell me about this person. I know nothing except that you like him. Well that's great, but why? Is it just looks? Is he smart, athletic, popular, etc.? Ask yourself these questions, and then find a unique way to express your answers.

The only way to improve is to keep writing. So don't stop. Take a lunch break or even a sick day if you must, but don't just give up.

So as not to discourage you too much, I shall give you a thumb. :thumb:

Whee! Patronizing much? Sorry but I'd hate to get critiques like that.
Unfortunately though, I've gotta agree on the basics. This is a pretty novice poem - good, but nothing special. I think what really lets it down is the fact that you use no unique imagery or ideas. We've all felt this way, so we all know what you're talking about - but thats just the problem. Its bland; there is none of your personality in there, none of your individual imagination. How does this person make you feel, physically? What do you think when you see him? Do you blush, go red, feel shy, suddenly get clumsy? Does the floor open up under your feet? Does your stomach flip? Do you immediately whisk off into a daydream that involves knights and castles and white horses, or what?
Basically, its cute, and thats great. I love the way you've made the rhymes seem so smooth, and the rhythm is impeccable. What you need to work on now is exercising your creative talents. Dont just write about what you think you should say/feel. Expand your mind! [cue vision of an enormous head] Hehe. Try to find your own way of expressing things and I'm sure you'll go far.

PS: Welcome to YWS!

um, this was very cute but not....moving. sorry. cute, though, for novice.

I can see your new.. This is the most stuff new members right trust me I started off the same way keep writing and you'll find yourself on this site...