A very small part of a new book I am writing. And I'm mostly concerned if you like my style of writing, I'm very unsure about it.
Lexi watched as her sister paced impatiently in their living room. Lacy’s long blonde hair was curled to mere perfection and Lexi could smell her new perfume all the way from the kitchen.
“Are you going out?” Lexi asked placing a dirty bowl into the dishwasher. It was Monday, her chore night.
Lacy sighed and stared at her little sister.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Duh,” Lacy said. She didn’t know how her sister could be so stupid at times.
Lexi finished loading the dishwasher, added soap, and started it. She walked into the living room and started flipping through today’s newspaper. She skipped to the sports section. “Well what are you waiting for?”
“Jack. He’s picking me up.”
“Didn’t dad leave you in charge?”
Lacy was losing patience with her sister and all her questions. “Yes, and?”
“And you’re supposed to be watching me.”
Lacy rolled her eyes. “You’re what? Fourteen now, you don’t need a babysitter.”
“I know that.”
Lacy knew her sister was going to ask her if she could come with, but that was out of the question.
Just like clockwork she asked.
“Can I come?” Lexi asked running her fingers through her dark brown hair.
“No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“I’m going to high school in the fall. Shouldn’t I be prepared?”
“You’re going to high school, not a party school. You don’t need to be partying.”
“Well you are.”
“And?”
“And I think I should come too.”
Just then, there was a harsh knock on the front door. Lacy ran up to answer it while Lexi grabbed her coat and applied a slight amount of lip gloss.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
So we're starting off with a pretty exciting conversation here. There's certainly quite a few fun things going down there and for the moment I think I do like where this one appears to be going. There's certainly more than enough happening here that it is pretty intriguing with that conversation and you get a good sense of this dynamic between the two characters as well as the personality that we're working with for both characters. A solid scene to start things off on at any rate.
Okayyy...so that looks like a decision that could have more than one set of consequences there. I do like how that builds up and just the general chatter here as the two of them argue back and forth a little before the time crunch eventually means the other one just concedes to it. I also like how you're throwing out some casual extra bits of background knowledge and backstory there in the dialogue. That lets us know a little more context in terms of what exactly is happening here and I think it is a great way to let us know some of these things while avoiding straight up exposition.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I agree. I think it's sounds good. Keep writing!
I really find this interesting. It's quite short, but I think something really good can come out of it.