Published September 17, 2010
This is basically what my dreams are like, and how I feel afterwards.
There was something strangely happy about the butterflies flittering around in my stomach. His cold touch was something I had been longing for for so long and here it was, rubbing against my cheek. I smiled and looked down at my hands. I could hear myself breathing; his breaths were silent, only inches away.
Tilting my face up, his cold fingers sent another chill down my spine. His golden eyes were just as breathtaking as I always pictured. I leaned in slowly, preparing for disappointment. I felt his breath on my lips and then poof, it all disappeared. Just like it always did. I was waking up. Goodbye happiness. I wish I could say “I’ll see ya soon” but I can’t, I won’t.
I woke up crying, again, second time tonight. It was still dark outside and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I lay on my bed, eyes open, but seeing nothing. Feeling nothing. I was numb. Everything a blur, everything but my love for someone unreal. Someone too good to be true.
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140,364 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
I deffinately know the feeling! The imagery in this was really amazing. I felt like I was having the dream too. There are several things you may want to change, however. The first being that if you woke up crying, how did you feel nothing? Since crying results from sadness, you should feel somewhat depressed or at the very least empty, like something was missing. Also in the third to last sentence you should add a "was" inbetween "Everything" and "a blur". Finally, I would delete the last sentence. The second to last sentence is much more strong and so it would make a better final phrase. Over all, it was really good though!
Write on!
Can't agree more. Keep writing!
Oh, my gosh. I totally get how you feel...long story, but I do understand the emotion behind this.
Anyway, this is literally perfect. I can't find anything wrong with it.
Nice work
~WickedWonder