Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Two hits from the bong and I was already feeling it. My head starting pounding and it felt like i weighed tons. I laid down under the covers in his bed. I felt like I was going to pass out any second. My life suddenly felt like a dream. His lips pressed against mine while we caressed each others bodies under the sheets. It happened so quickly as one thing led to another. What i had just done felt like a crime. I went home shortly after that and continued my day as usual. Here it is 12:00 a.m., no text, no call, just silence.
I really enjoyed the simplicity and straightforwardness of this piece. It's definitely easy to relate to, for me anyhow. There are some small grammar issues but in a piece like this, so raw, I'm sure that wasn't of much concern. I feel like this is something I would have written myself, as far as the style of the writing goes. I also enjoy the way you were able to be vague, but still managed to get the entire point of the writing across. All in all, great work, I enjoyed reading it.
Definitely packed with raw emotion. I like it. I relate to it. Maybe not necessarily with the drugs involved, but somehow, it's still relatable. You have a nice voice with your writing. I hope to read more by you.
Definitely packed with raw emotion. I like it. I relate to it. Maybe not necessarily with the drugs involved, but somehow, it's still relatable. You have a nice voice with your writing. I hope to read more by you.
Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, hopefully an honest reviewer, and I shall be all that and more about your short piece.
Well, as a starting point, your title brings forth a declaration, which- although has probably been used before- seems oddly refreshing. Your opening descriptions about the "two hits from the bong" really surprised me when I read it. I thought you were making a metaphor, but...obviously not. I do like your descriptions and how the vagueness seems to reflect the perspective of somebody under the influence of cannabis.
Yet, the link you make between drugs and love appears to be tenuous. The speaker only asserts their love for "him"after the fact. In that moment, honestly, I see no love there. I see sexual feelings in that moment, sure, but no love. Also, for someone who had taken drugs and had sex- presumably for the first time, otherwise why wold the speaker perceive their actions as a crime?- and for their day to be usual, is a bit unrealistic. Also, what is the setting?
It's a good short piece, but in my opinion it needs tweaking to clarify the character's feelings and the logistics of the events you have unfolded.
Very depressing, but realistic story. I hate it when authors sugarcoat stories, but this is obviously not sugarcoated. The story is also short, which makes it all the better. Good job!
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