We’re becoming WriterFeed.
The site will be unavailable for at least 2 hours starting 1pm ET on Sunday, October 25 while we make the name-change updates.
Thanks for your patience! We’ll be back as soon as we can.
My version of "My understanding of the Truth", a poem that - I hope most of you know - appears in the third novel of Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,234 Literary Works • 677,065 Reviews
Hi there! I'm not such a good reviewer, but here's something I quite noticed and think it needs a bit of fixing:
Keep up the good work.
"The love is the truth.
My Wife is the truth.
The Mother is the truth.
The Brother is the truth.
My Mother and my Brother are far. That is the truth.
The distance is the truth.
The money is the truth.
I left them and didn’t look back. That is the truth.
I cried after I left. That is the truth.
My Mother let me go. That is the truth.
She still loves me.
That is the truth."
You repeat "the truth" far more than necessary. It makes the reader focus only on that phrase, kind of distracts the reader from understanding the rest of the words - stanzas. Do you know what I mean? When I read this, I couldn't focus on anything other than the sentence "That is the truth." so I had to read it all over without the sentence.
I think you need to use it a little less. Here's an example:
"The love is the truth.
My Wife is the truth.
The Mother[,]
[and] the Brother [are] the truth.
My Mother and my Brother are far. That is the truth.
The distance[,]
[and] the money is the truth.
I left them and didn't look back. That is the truth.
I cried after I left. []
My Mother let me go. That is the truth.
She still loves me.
That is the truth."
"What is a brave man when he stops being brave? A coward, and that is the truth.
The distance[,]
The distance is the truth.
What has four letters and keeps me going? Love, and that is the truth.
The distance is the truth.
I think about the distance all the time, the distance is pain, and that is the truth.
I’m pretty sure I’ll go back, and that is the truth.
Who has to be brave ‘cause there is no other option? Me, and that is the truth.
Love is the truth.
I want to go back[.]
I have to go back and that is the truth.
I’ll go crazy if I don’t go back[.]
I love my Wife and our life together[.]
I won’t go back ‘till we can go back together and that is the truth.
I miss my family. That is the truth."
Other than the repetition of "That is the truth." I think your poem is quite good. The meaning is simple and easy to understand. In my opinion, you can do better, however I congratulate you. Your poem is the kind no one gets bored of reading.
Hello mihaivisan! So on my first read-through, I wasn't a fan of the repetition, but then I looked up the source poem and that made more sense. Overall, I think this was a clever adaptation of the original to a personal situation. I liked the first stanza especially. It was simple yet powerful.
I didn't like these as much. They repeat each other (as if there isn't enough repetition in the piece
In contrast, I liked this. It was still somewhat obvious in context, but felt more original.
Didn't like the use of "go back" twice here. I feel like the second one could be replaced easily, like "'till she can come with me'" or something like that.
Overall, this was an interesting read and my nitpicks are pretty minor. Good job and keep writing!