midnightsun wrote:It's just a simple free verse poem that I did awhile ago.
Dreams
Wishing to be taken away in my dreams
where nothing is what it seems
to leave the world for alittle while "a little"
where I can truely smile "truly"
getting lost in a world that's my own
where my imagination is truely shown "truly". Also, repetition of this word. Try fidning some synonyms to try (e.g. attempt). Repetitions are a big no-no
my eyes the only one to see Eyes in plural, therefore "the only ones", also in plural
this beautiful world that is all to me All what? be specific.
First off, this isn't free verse, owing to the rhyme. Rhyme counts as structure.
Secondly, at least to me, said rhyme seems forced. Personally, I'd suggest writing actual free verse poems and experimenting with vocabulary, imagery and concepts, before restricting yourself.
Watch your spelling.
I think you should make more use of punctualtion, sentences, instead of droning on the entire thing in one big go.
You need to develop your points. I've read the poem at least thrice, and I'm still not entirely sure what it's about. Ok, so you want to live in the world of dreams instead of reality. Great.
How about you tell me what your world is like? Imagery, literary effects - they are all there so that you can amphasise your points and convey your concepts across to the reader effectively. Use them.
Same goes for vocabulary - use a thesaurus if you need to, and at all costs avoid repetition.
Anyway, hope that was of some help. It's a start, you just need to be more specific and clear, in general. Good luck!
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