Young Writers Society

Welcome to YWS microwavey!!

This is a great tale to kick off your writing journey with YWS! I'm here to leave a little review telling you about all the awesome things you did in this story and some of the things that could make it even more awesome! (in my opinion). The critiques are just meant to help us become better writers! Take what you find useful! On to the review...!

Lets start off with what I like about this story...!

This story has a classic feel with the way you've told it and with the moral. Classics are classics for a reason, not just because their old... but because their important! And I think you showcased your message in a lovely way with the cliche tragic ending. (I'm genuinely left wondering how Daryo will make his livelihood now...)

You also did a great job setting up the road for the conflict in the second paragraph.

It was a challenge to get food more than once a day. From day to day, the young child goes to the river to feel its calm environment and refreshing water. She thought of the river as a place to relax, unwind and reconnect with nature. The father’s main job is to cut trees and sell them to get money and maintain the family.

By setting up this contrast between the two characters, Sierra loving nature and Daryo having to tamper with it to survive, not only intrigues the readers to know how their family will function being polar opposites but hints to Sierra's future disdain with her dad's job (And we know classic tales love their foreshadowing and so do readers! Great job).

Now on to some critiques...!

In this paragraph...

All of a sudden, the child asked his father to stop his wrongdoings on nature. But he flatly refused, as he had not yet cleared their debts. Daryo does not bother thinking about his work as he knows that he can feed his child.

...You're telling the reader what happened rather than showing, and it's often harder for the reader to connect to the story if they're just being told what happens. I bet this was an emotional scene with Sierra confessing the connection she feels with nature and how she's hurt by what her fathers doing even though Dayro was just doing what he felt was right...But us readers won't know that if you don't convey that, and therefore we won't be as invested in the story!

I would suggest, for future reference, that you write the dialogue and emotions/facial expressions of this scene to help the readers feel what your characters are feeling and connect with your message more!

I think that's all I have for now! Overall, I really enjoyed this tale and the message!

Keep writing!!!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is quite the little tale here. It has a very folktale like vibe to it which given the style of the story here is definitely a good vibe to have. I think it creates a nice little scenario here and establishes a nice little touch of morality too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In one village, there was an old man named Daryo who lived in a poor small house with his only child, Sierra. The house was so small. Near the house was the Cagayan River and surrounded by thousands of trees.

It was a challenge to get food more than once a day. From day to day, the young child goes to the river to feel its calm environment and refreshing water. She thought of the river as a place to relax, unwind and reconnect with nature. The father’s main job is to cut trees and sell them to get money and maintain the family.

Well this seems like a nice enough little existence here. Just a quiet little existence perfectly content and just enjoying the area that they seem to be living in. Its an interesting vibe because there's a more subdued vibe to the whole thing but the happiness and content are also very much present here.

One day, Daryo and his child went to the river. The sky was bleak and cinder-grey. Sierra was enthralled by the river's idyllic appearance. The river runs joyfully. It was an awe-inspiring sight. It was splashing as it moved through the trees as it hopped over the rocks happily.

“Nothing is cooler than the brisk scent of this river!”she said.

Daryo saw the smile on the face of his child. The old man started to find a tree near the river. In the distance, there is a grove of trees of the same size and shape.

Well despite the somewhat bleak day they seem to be having a fairly good time still in that little lake and the man seems to be quite happy at seeing the girl being so happy too. Definitely adding to that start in terms of just being a happy little existence.

“I think they have aged a lot because they are very tall. Its leaves are very crispy”, the old man said.

All of a sudden, the child asked his father to stop his wrongdoings on nature. But he flatly refused, as he had not yet cleared their debts. Daryo does not bother thinking about his work as he knows that he can feed his child.

He does not know that cutting trees is extremely harmful and could destroy human life and animals. In a few short months, a thousand trees had fallen. There was only one standing near to the river.

Oh dear. Well it seems like that's not going to end well. A warning like that certainly should be heeded. It doesn't seem like this is going to end well at this rate. Let's see where we're headed at any rate.

One morning, he sent her child to the river to get the things he had left while preparing their food. It was raining and did not stop. Eventually, there was a huge flood. It was not an ordinary flood.

The old man got worried because Sierra was outside. He ran away with fear into the riverside to look for his child.

“Father, helpppp!” Sierra screamed. She scrambled to grab hold of something, trying not to let the powerful flood take her. The child felt numb and the wind on her face felt stiff. The water was rising higher and higher.

Oh dear here come the consequences, looks like they're going to be quite strong there from the looks of things. Nature really is going to be a little merciless in dealing with someone that chopped down quite that many trees and well without the trees I don't see how this rescue will happen.

The old man immediately hurled a rope at her. She had a go at grabbing the rope, but it was too late. She fell and plunged deep into the icy waters and splashed by the huge flood.

“Arghhhh” she screamed, as she lost grip of the rope. “No way!!!” the father screamed.

“I know it is my fault. I should have stopped cutting trees!” Daryo cried silently.

Well that's about what I expected to happen there given how that was going. It seems the poor child bringing all the happiness at the start is going to end up being the sacrifice for this old man to realize the error of his ways here. Certainly a powerful moment there.

The old man realized that his child was right. Cutting trees is not the only solution to survive. People can make money without harming the beauty of nature. Daryo has learned his lesson, that what happened to the river and trees could be more harmful to humans.

By that scenario, Daryo thought of planting bamboos into the shore. Hence, he planted a thousand trees along the riverbank. The trees continued to prosper and the river is now surrounded by dazzling green bamboo.

Well it seems at least the old man did learn from his mistakes and hopefully in the future something horrible like that would not happen. A nice little way to cap that one off.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a pretty solid tale this one. I think you've done a wonderful job there in establishing that nice and happy scene and then getting that little message across with the consequences of those bad actions. I think its really quite well set up here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate