I’m not one to usually put my business out there, but when I think about it, I’d like to see this pop up in my memories in 4 or 5 years. Just to see how much I’ve grown from this point in my life. I thought 2018 was a bad year, but 2019 has just been more difficult; let me tell you why.
The first thought that popped into my head the beginning of 2019 was, “there is going to be a lot of lasts and a lot of firsts.” Boy was that an understatement. The “lasts” that I would be experiencing were my highschool days. Everything from finals, prom, and graduation were weighing heavy on my mind, all year long. I thought this was the hard part. This wasn’t even the start.
I got accepted into what I thought was my “dream school” LOL (we will get more into the LOL later). This was when things got SUPER interesting. I started to slowly lose touch with my friends, and even dropped friends that I have known for years (simply to make myself happy). DO NOT KEEP TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. I was also making new friends from going to visit my new school. Although I looked forward to college, I did not look forward to the Summer (I had to get a job. AKA finally time to be a big girl).
My first real job was and still is at a grocery store. Crest Foods. I started in June and I’ve never been so happy to stand for 8 hours, 5 days a week, for a 30 minute lunch. SIKE. I really liked working, it gave me a sense of purpose, but as time has gone on, I really dread going to work sometimes. After starting school, my hours had decreased. Hour decreases means I am NOT making as much. Although going to work sucks, I have met some of the most genuine people ever and I am glad to call them my friends. They are more good to me than some friends that I have known for a looooooooong time. But really, the hours I work because of school, are TRASH.
Now, to talk about my “dream” school which actually turned out to be a TOTAL FLOP. I began going to school at this university because the environment was nice, the people were kind, and the campus was beautiful. I was dead set on elementary education, but this school has made me want to change majors. I’m not going to bash this university because I have seen it do great things for others, but I am not one of them. I absolutely DREAD going to this school. I hate going to class, I hate the program I am in, and I hate being on campus. Over the course of my time being here, I have decided not to continue going to school here. School has been really hard, not because the work, it’s just having the will to even get out of bed and go. Maybe I do have seasonal depression, but who really knows.
Next semester I have decided to finish my basics at a local community college, it’s not only cheaper, but I don’t absolutely hate the place. I also know people that go there, so who knows, I might just like community college rather than a big university that only wants my money???? I do plan on going to a 4 year university after, to get my degree, but I’m still not 100% sure what that is.
One thing about 2019 that has really affected me (and not in a good way) is my mental health. I have thought about going to a therapist just to let it all out, but I really don’t want to spend $100 an hour for them to say I’m being dramatic. Like, I could get that for free from family. Although talking to a family member is easier for some people, I don’t think it’d be beneficial for me, simply because my family likes to gossip (whose doesn’t tbh?). I need an outside opinion, and genuine advice that would help me. I don’t want to go into 2020 feeling like this, and I don’t want a 2018-2019 repeat.
Those were some of the lowlights of this year, let me talk about the highlights. 2019 wasn’t a total flop of a year, but 80% of it was. Some exciting things that happened include prom, graduation, my stepmoms graduation, my dad is much happier, and my family is finally coming together. I have gotten to spend time with family I don’t get to see very often, and I genuinely enjoy being around them. SHOUTOUT TO MY UNCLE JOHN AND HIS FAMILY (washa name?) Although 2019 had its ups and downs, I can’t wait for 2020.
~Michlan Trevino Oct. 23, 2019