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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
Hello friend! Hope you're having a wonderful day! Anyway, let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
- How did you pack so much emotion into this!? This made me feels butterflies, shock and pain in a matter of seconds. This physically hurts me (jk- but my new favorite couple is now broken up with ToT).
- Also, (kinda the same thing) I can definitely see the chemistry between these two. It's wonderful.
- Also also, you have amazing grammar!
Room For Improvement
- As I said, you have amazing grammar, but I did see TWO things that could use a little work:
- After you say 'on you', make sure to add a typo. And just a side note, you kept 'I' lowercase a few times. But that's it!
- I didn't feel like crying today. But this was an amazing poem (I think it's a poem?). I love it
Happy writing, and have a blessed day!
Serrurie
This is pai fully short. I have yet to read it but I'm kinda disappointed. I'll review as I go and I'm just going to be honest and say that I clicked on this for the points so sorry if I don't write a long ass review.
Not sure if I can relate to this. I don't know what to say. Although I do know what it feels like to choke on how much you miss someone. I'm pretty sure you also missed a comma, but thats a minority that can easily be fixed. And looking back on pictures can get a little lonely too. I can understand that. I hope that person comes back. It socks after a while. Anywho, have a good day!
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize that this might be on the short side. I still hope that my thoughts can brighten your day nonetheless. I think I should stop rambling and get into the review proper. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I enjoyed this piece I felt it had a nice bit of story to tell despite the length. The fondness you have for this person came out very clearly and it shows just how good it seemed to be going. That is if this is based on your real life, if it is I wish you the best of luck.
The last line gives such a bittersweet feeling to the whole piece. I feel that this is the most compelling part of this prose. The feeling of wanting to support someone even if it means not being with them is very relatable although not romantic in my experience. It shows the kind of sadness of time and growth making you grow apart.
Now moving on to the feedback this part will be short and kind of nitpicky. I just want to let you know that I am not a professional nor do you have to use anything I say here. You are the author after all.
The biggest thing I want to point out is the fact that some of the I's aren't capitalized whereas some are. I understand if this is a stylistic choice but if it isn't I feel fixing that up would make it look more cohesive and professional. However, that could be a me thing.
Regardless I enjoyed reading this and cant wait to see what else you come up with. Welcome to Yws if you need anything don't be afraid to ask we don't bite. Keep writing and drink water!
Thank you so much for the feedback I will definitely write more and make the "I's" capitalized thank you so much. Have a great day!!!!