What are you doing?
What do you mean?
You’re standing on the edge of the building.
This building’s twenty stories tall.
I know. That’s why I’m standing here.
Wait, are you going to jump?
Don’t jump.
Get away from the edge.
Why? Don’t you know that my parents died yesterday?
And I’m being bullied in school.
My grades were never good.
My only friend is you.
Let’s deal with this together.
Don’t cry.
Just,
Come down from there.
I’m not crying. I’m laughing.
Those are just fake excuses,
Stupid.
I don’t…
Just, come on. Listen to me.
If you jump, you can’t do anything you like.
It’ll be the end for everything.
If you take one step,
I’m going to jump.
Alright. I’m not moving.
So, are you not going to jump now?
I never said I wasn’t going to jump.
Of course I ‘m going to.
But if you take a single step,
I’ll do it right now.
That’s what I think I said.
Right?
Don’t leave me behind.
Don’t jump.
Please.
Don’t.
You know,
I’m just always bored.
I think my biggest flaw is,
Getting suicidal when I’m bored.
I’ll do anything.
I’ll make you… I’ll make you not bored.
Anything that will stop you from jumping.
No, I’ve made up my mind.
Now,
I want to know how it feels.
No. You don’t.
Come down.
You’re so sweet.
Come on.
Watch.
Watch me fly.
I can’t.
I,
Just,
Don’t jump. Don’t move.
Stupid.
Don’t you realize?
What?
What do I not realize?
I’m already flying.
I’ve already jumped.
Don’t you see me
In the sky?
What—
Stupid.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello mephistophelesangel! CHRISSY321 here with a last minute review!
(But really!)
*Happy Review day!*:D
This was very interesting! I liked the way it was formatted, and it was clear who was talking at all times! That is good, and it is cool you bolded the other side as well for extra clarification. I just have one question- what exactly happened in the end? I am a little confused there! Please tell me!
Ok, now for one fix:
No, I’ve made up my mind.
Now,
I want to know how it feels.
-No. You don’t.
-Come down.
You’re so sweet.
Come on.
Watch.
Watch me fly.
(One without the dash is the bolded)I think where it says 'watch. watch me fly' I think 'watch' should only be said once! I think it can go either way, but I think it would be best to only use one.
Overall this was pretty great! Good job- hope you did not write this about you!
Great job- I greatly encourage you to keep writing!
Great piece of work! I've never read a poem, which had a kind of conversational structure! That's what made it very interesting! Very deep emotions that you're portraying really made me think! Keep up the great work!
I see that this is classified as horror. But what's even more terrifying is that it's classified as humor as well. O_O
XD
Hello!
So, I really like this poem. @JasmineSimmons and to the rest of everyone whom cares. I feel like this everyday. Me being the bolded words. Jasmine, thats. Me. Every. Day.
Anyway, back to the poem. I think this is very wonderfully written and certainly very creative! This is coming from a mind that goes through this most days. Today, I actually considered stabbing myself in the temple. Just to see what it felt like. So, I feel I DO connect with this. Although, I don't exactly consider this in the poem category....but, I wouldn't know what else to call it.
This is truly wonderful, though. It is full of heartaches and made me FEEL something. Those are the best works. I am not amazed this is in the literary spotlight. I am amazed, though, that it isn't in first place. I really, really love this, though.
Its full of twists and turns. As well as detours and great phraseology!!
Once again, this is a truly magnificent piece and I hope you keep up the great work. I wish I could write something as well as you have!
Anyway, my favorite line[s] would have to be:
I am really not even sure why, though, they just stuck out in my mind.
Anyway, great job, once again!!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Hi!
This poem is wonderful. I really like this! As Tigerlilly37 mentioned, the poem is very well written and presented, especially having two characters speak to each other on either side.
I was going to talk about how the poem needed more consistence in terms of line per stanza, but I feel like this particular poem doesn't need that. It's fine as it is (in my opinion).
However, it would be nice if you could show more emotion from the friend. The suicidal character is written with such raw emotion. Against him, the friend character doesn't seem to match up, at least in terms of emotion expressed.
Other than that,
That's got to be my favorite part in the poem. I really like how that was written.
Overall, great poem. Well done!
Tigerlilly here for a review!
I found this so meaningful and I really love how deep it gets! I love the way it is written, with the two characters on either side speaking to each other. It has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Its clearly a story, and though it isnt very long, it holds such meaning.
For me, my favorite part in this was:
I’m already flying.
I’ve already jumped.
Don’t you see me
In the sky?
It holds so much truth! I cant help but be curious on what inspired this to be written, and who the jumper was. I admire the friend, who is standing beside the character and trying to encourage them not to jump. I know I would do the same if it were my best friend as well.
I cant find anything wrong with this, its a true masterpiece! Keep writing, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more of your work!
This was really - interesting, to say the least. I really loved it and it had a certain grab to it that just pulled you in right away. However I was a little bit confused. whose point of view is this from? Is this someone having a conversation with themselves? That seemed to make the most sense to me when I read this, because if someone was watching them wouldn't they see if the person had jumped? Or maybe I'm overlooking a major part or something I'm not really sure. If I am overlooking something what is it? Is the person high on drugs? Something like that?
Overall though I really liked this and hope you write more
~MagnoliaWind