Under a huge mango tree that’s concealed by strawberry bushes right aligned beside my bedroom window. That’s my very own private getaway. Peeking out of the huge bushes was vast land of sweet-smelling cherry trees. I still remember the happening that old mango tree saw. The laughter and tears that rolled onto the freshly mowed grass. I used to lie down, spotting clouds of different shapes and sizes, whether to stop tears of laughter or of sadness. That aged tree bore my explosive emotions and maybe other kids from years before or after I’m born. From that tree was planted until it died; I knew it saw many event an ordinary child experience. I saw that tree as a confidant, my secret-bearer. I just wish children in near future to see it too.
I never knew this piece will get me places. I stared at this writing I sent to a small town competition at the backstage. I smiled as I remember how the visitor convinced me to write a novel and I never knew it will be this big. I grinned this small paragraph as I heard the TV show program host said, “Let us welcome bestselling author, Cyndi Avanti!”
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Please check out my simple kiddo story^^And I'm new here.
That is right^^Sometimes its a li'l confusing but I think it really is quite good^^
Hope this helps a li'l
Please check out my simple kiddo story^^And I'm new here.
That is right^^Sometimes its a li'l confusing but I think it really is quite good^^
Hope this helps a li'l
Well, the story idea was nice enough, but there are problems with the over all presentation. And the tenses are especially confusing. But on the whole, it is a good story which needs improvement.
Hope this helps.
Thank you for reviewing. It the first time I wrote here and I haven't proofread it. Thank you...
I quite enjoyed this, but there is a lot of editing you should do so that it be even better!
The first sentence is my main problem here. Don't be TOO detailed in the very first line if you want to throw the reader into the middle of the story. Rather make the introductory line short and catchy so that the reader will become more interested in reading further on. Otherwise, it was fairly good.
Thank you!
This is a very sentimental piece and I like it very much. But be careful because you have a lot of run on sentences that are not quite making sense to me. There were no grammar errors that I could detect other than the run ons. So other then that it was pretty great
Keep up the good work 
Calla 
Thank you!
Welcome to YWS! This is Abel here to review.
I liked the concept behing this story; BUT the delivery was a little rusty.
First off, the first sentence was too ... straight. It was a long line of words that makes one gasp at the end due to its lack of pauses. I suggest you infuse one or two commas somewhere.
I don't comprehend what you try to mean by 'I still remember the happening that mango tree saw." Yes, the mango tree was present when something happened; yet you failed to mention exactly what happened. We expected a follow-up of the event you introduce, but we are instead taken to the laughter and tears of a general timeframe. And that is not a specific 'happening'. Unless you meant to say the tree has seen meny events.
I don't really think that someone laughing to the point of tearing would have the consciousness and sensibility to spot clouds. You could say, "...whether as a way of stopping my tears brought about by sadness, or whiling away my time while having a few laughs." or something similar.
There's a problem with this: "that aged tree BORE my explosive emotions and maybe other kids from years before or after I'M born."
The tenses playing in 'bore' and 'I'm' are not in concord. By saying 'I'm born', you technically imply that at of the time of the narration you haven't been born yet. So it should be 'was'.
I also do not understand 'From that tree was planted until it died'. Are you saying that the tree was planted and now it's dead? or the tree became the parent of other trees and now it's dead?
I'm having a hard time deciding if the last paragraph is real or just part of the story though.
Good job by the way, and cheers!
Thank you for the reviews...
P.S. The last paragraph was real while the first one is a short story...I'll remember it next time....