HEART OF A POETMelvin Banggollay
Many woman said, they don't like a poet
For they didn't mean what they had said
For having tongues with magical wand
That can elicit gentle wind's command.
But not all poet are born like this
as their heart spoke their passion's hiss
About anything their conscience smiled
with all delight to mend troubles untied.
Heart of a poet radiates in many way
To tingle a mind and soul to think wise
With every thought their mind can lay
as passion of their heart eventually rise.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Melvin, I'm Mo.
I liked it, I thought it was nice, and you got across the message that was intended. The poem held my attention well, and I think you have done a good job writing it. I really like the words you have chosen to portray the message, they really add to the theme.
Thanks for posting! Good work!
Keep writing!
~Mo.
Hello Melvin! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing, okay? ^.^
So, I really liked this. You made a poem about a poet that sounded like written by a poet and not a writer. Yeah, I think they are different >.< Anyway, some nit-picks!
The 'with' here sounds very awkward. A comparison, with a 'like' or something of the sort would work better. And if you do take this suggestion, then turn the 'wand' into wands
Poets.
Ways.
I'm not sure about the repetition of 'passion'. And 'from' instead of 'of' would work better.
I really liked this. I think it portrayed the theme very well, and I hadn't had the chance of reading poems about this very much. I count myself as somewhat of an aspiring poet, and I think this is really good in terms of emotion and reality. I'll click the star thing for that! And! Your punctuation, the occasional period, worked perfectly.
This here was just... wow. Best part, in my opinion.
Thanks for posting and keep up the good work!
- Kat
Hey melvin, nice to meet ya.
Great work, you've portrayed the 'poet' well enough and you've done it with accountable rhyming scheme too. The last stanza caught my eyes specially. Like most poems, it should have a conclusion and it barely did. Still it had a conclusion, vague as it was which is enough.
Secondly i don't see why (If what Chirantha said is correct) you seemed to have wanted to use the iambic pentameter, which is normally not used for four lined poems. But the poem doesn't seem to have any recurring ten syllable lines so i will not dwell into the subject.
Overall, great work, you certainly managed to, if that is what you wanted to do, catch the readers curious eyes, tempting him to uncover the vague ideas your poem gives.
Keep it up!
Firstly, there is a rule in YWS that states clearly that you should do atleast two reviews at first before you can start posting your own creations. Once you do the first two reviews, you are free to post as much as you can, keeping in mind to keep the review count 4 : 1 for posts of your own creation.
Okay, let see this.
The first thing I saw of this poem, is that you have tried to write it with an Iambic Pentameter. That is very hard, but you have succeeded, barely, though. The first stanza of your poem,
got 10 syllables in each line, excluding the 2nd line, which has only nine syllables. It can be changed by saying,
"For that they didn't mean what they had said"
Although, I can see that the first stanza was written according to the iambic pentameter, I can see the other stanzas written in this way. And they all seem to be jumbled, and I can't see any connection between two or three lines of the same stanza. Make sure you fix those things in your poem.
Good luck.
I thinks it's an ok poem. It doesn't really flow very well, but that could be easily fixed if you really wanted to bother with it.