I say I know in the end you'll be with me
Yet I spend my time doing everything I can to end up where you are
I force myself to like things I would otherwise look over
I go places I wouldn't think up of on my own
In hopes you'll see me there and feel the same
I guess I don't actually believe we will be whole in the end
If I did I wouldn't follow you around like a shadow
I would live for myself and do what I want
I would still know we would be together even if I didn't try to remind you
I think it's time I start to take the reigns of my own life
Just know, I will always hope our paths cross again
- M.S
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
This is very reminiscent of something I have been told once or twice before by my girlfriend, so I can plainly tell it was written with emotion. I know I have been guilty of not changing when she changed so much for me. I would overlook the things she did, the messages she was trying to convey, and for a long time never took our relationship as seriously as I should have. Losing someone after you realize something like that is enough to change your whole world view. I am thankful to still have her, but I wish that anyone else that finds themselves in similar situations will take the time and read this. If they wait too late, as it seems the author of your work is coming to terms with, then they will be hurting for months if not years to come. Good job, simple and concise, it gets the point across, and has the possibility to speak to a lot of people.
Sincerely,
Trevor
Hai MS, Laure here for a review! Before I review, I must declare I'm in no way a poet or even close to it. But I will do my best to review this poem.
Content: I think this is a very relatable poem, to go out of your ate just in the hopes of crossing paths or seeing someone you really love again. This is a bit of a cliche topic, but I still liked is poem because every poem had a touch of originality within it. All of the lines in there are very heart-felt coming from the author's POV.
However, one problem I found while reading this poem was that it didn't seem very much like a poem. It seemed to me more like a letter or someone's diary entries with all the 'I' s at the start. There is nothing wrong with that, except starting every sentence with I can seem like you're narrating something, but if that is your intended style then I have nothing to say.
This is once again style, but I ink you should try and add some more figurative language in there and show us how the main character feels instead of telling us because is quite flat sometimes.
I am guessing this is a free verse poem, so I can't really say much in the rhythm but the pace is alright. Keep on writing!
-Laure
Wow. This is a very moving poem that speaks an important and realistic truth. Many people can't see this side of relationships that tends to be thrown aside in a way that says, "I don't want to be convinced that we will never be together."
Grammatically, it would have been more effective for you to add some commas in some places to improve the clarity.
"If I did, I wouldn't follow you around like a shadow"
and...
"I would still know we would be together, even if I didn't try to remind you"
Periods at the end of the sentences might improve the effect of the statement also.
Over all though, you seem like a very insightful writer who is talented with putting words into action in the readers mind. I encourage you to keep writing, even when you think its not worth it, because if you never give yourself a chance to excel, you won't.
5 stars- kymorhens