I’m a good girl
I’ll work my very best
Study hard
I’ll get no rest
But when the day comes
To sit out the test
I’ll be careful to slack
The boys must be best
I’m a good girl
I’ll wear what they say
“That shirt too short”
I’d change it any day
“That dress too long”
I swear I won’t get it wrong
Don't tempt the boys
I’ll follow them along
I’m a good girl
I’ll cross my legs
Smile and wave even
On the worst days
I’ll clean and cook
And feed them all
Won’t bother with books
When the boys need to grow tall
I’m a good girl
I’ll grow out my hair
Shave my legs
Perfect that “flirty stare”
Paint my nails and
Powder my face
Carry a purse and
Do it all with good grace
I’m a good girl
But what they don’t know
The more I smile
The more it grows
The worm in my chest
I’m afraid it’s bitten the best
of me
I’m a good girl -
you know the rest
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
It flows rather well, I think. This is better than most things I find on the site, especially since MOST of the rhymes aren't forced. Sure, there are a few missteps, places where you sacrifice rhythm for rhyme (example: "That dress is too long, I swear I won't get it wrong", the rhythm is slightly broken there, because the second line is too long, in my opinion), but it is rather well-written overall.
Now, because it's a good piece, it pains me so much more that I cannot agree with its message. I won't mix my personal political views into the review, but the content is also important. However, know that it does not affect its quality in any significant way, at least not for me.
So, to summarize, it's very well written, the rhymes work, the topic isn't a classic breakup story (and good God have there been so many of those), and other than a few mistakes here and there, I cannot find any significant flaws. I don't agree with its message, but I can overlook that in favor of the poem's raw quality.
Good work!
Thank you for your review!! I promise I'm not a psycho feminist
Wow, this was certainly interesting. I love how it rhymes. I don't find many poems like that so well done. Any way, I like the message in this, although I would say it's very feminist. However I like it. I love how you just went on and said what you needed to say. I actually have no critique for this because I found it just beautiful. Just make sure you don't come off as sexist because at times it does seem like you are being a bit bitter. However I liked this and hope to read more from you.
Yeah I'm pretty self conscious of this poem because I really don't want to com across as over aggressive - but I feel like changing the tone would result in a lose of the mood and rhyme.
Anyways, thank you for your review!
Any time.