maybe i deserved you leaving me.
because maybe it was the way that i cringed the first time you kissed me,
not realizing that your lips would be the ones to soothe me in those quiet hours we shared,
the lips that would help you speak all of those words
that made me fall in love with you so deeply.
or maybe it was the way that i could never drive to see you,
never able to care for you in the way you cared for me,
and therefore i always let myself wonder
if it would have been easier to just focus on my degree.
all i know is that i still have the flowers you gave me for my twentieth birthday
because even though they’ve been sitting in a plastic cup, dead for months,
i’d much rather look at the fragile remains and be haunted by broken promises
than deal with tossing them out and having you fade out of my memory.
if only i had watered them enough.