Published April 8, 2011
Just something I quick jotted down on the bus today! I'm not quite sure it all fits together, so I *might* be changing some of the lyrics. Anyways, reviews are appreciated!
So let's get out of this town
We've got the world in our hands
I'm tired of sitting around
I'm tired of making plans
Grab your coat, yeah we're getting away
We can race the sunrise to paradise
Baby, we'll just drive all day
Come on, don't that sound so nice?
We don't wanna think, we wanna be entertained
We won't tell the truth cuz it causes too much pain
We'll just lie to you, we won't refrain
So let's get out of this town
We've got the world in our hands
I'm tired of sitting around
I'm tired of making plans
Grab your coat, yeah we're getting away
We can race the sunrise to paradise
Baby, we'll just drive all day
Come on, don't that sound so nice?
We will never die, no we're much too clever
We will not stand still, we will go wherever
We will never cry, we'll hold it in forever
We don't want to let the world inside
Inside
Our pretty little minds
Inside
Our pretty little minds
We hide behind masks
And we lie
We won't cry
We'll be fine
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,571 Literary Works • 673,517 Reviews
Hello there =], this is really pretty and the only thing I would change is spelling. "cuz" drives me nuts. =] But other than that it's really good. I might try to group the lines together a bit more too. It makes it look reaaaaaaaally long, when it's not. But I liked it a lot =]
Here's a link to the video... the lyrics are a tad different!
It's kinda... meh soundwise. Sorry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKDocfCp1gw
Can't wait to hear this! Keep writing-you have a talent for it!
Thanks guys!
It definitely needs more work...this probably won't be the final version. I do however have a melody for it already
I can't find the rhythm. And I thought
sounded a bit awkward--too wordy for one line.One thing I find confusing is that when I was reading it, there were no separate stanzas. However, when I scrolled down to get that quote I used above, the stanzas were very clear......... kinda bewildered me, but I don't think that's your fault.
Overall.... pretty typical "I wanna get outta town" song, to be honest. Has potential, but it doesn't quite do it for me.
=) wanted to say AWESOME JOB I really loved it and can't wait to read more haha. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!
Soulkana<3