Published January 5, 2014
Yearning for long, to frame up my affection for you
Stuck in confusion, not really knowing how to do
An amalgam of feeling; hovers me all around
Being unable to reel off a relation that’s so sound
Care, love and glory are your true eternal name
Although, Hitler of you somehow, manages to grab the game
Smile on my face widens as I set out to recall
All the bitter-sweet fights, we had at the shopping mall
And the chaos I made on my pimple with dismay
Bothering you all day long, though didn’t work anyway
Still remember your encouragement for the first meal
Turning into noise for later what the kitchen reveals
Blunders, misbehavior and worries are much at my end
Patience, letting go and scolding is how you get to mend
Cherished memories clench my mind but are unable to say
With hidden feelings unsaid words, love you anyway
It’s between me and my Lord, whom I thanks and pray to
Wishing health and long life of darling mother like you
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140,813 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey Vivian here, representing team red.
I really like this piece, it's such a loving poem but one part confuses me.
"Care, love and glory are your true eternal name
Although, Hitler of you somehow, manages to grab the game"
I don't understand the Hitler part, what does that mean? It threw me off the flow of the poem and I don't know how to interpret it. I would appreciate it if you clarified what you meant.
The poem is still great, could be a perfect present too.
Thanks for your encouragement, well i wanted to portray both the loving side plus the strict( that i referred as Hitler) side of a mother, that is what all mothers are like. Loving the child but thrashing at times, top ensure things keep in control.
Hey! I really liked this piece, it made me feel happy and appreciative of my own mother.
To start off, I have to say that I really liked the creative words and sentence structures you used to make everything seem much more personal and gives a sense of purpose.
One thing you could work on, though, is the rhythm. It's not horrible and it still flows, but I found myself skipping over parts then having to go back to read what I skipped over. I think there are parts that you could tighten up there, like I said, it's not bad, but it still could be something you could tighten up.
My favorite part of this poem was the fact that you never used the word mother once in this poem except at the end, it makes the reader interested in finding out what you are referring to. It is also very poetic and made me smile, since even though I knew what you were talking about, all the lead up to it made it so much more touching.
If you have any questions or want to follow up on this review, don't be afraid to PM. As always keep writing and have a great day!
feel good read.. lingers with you.
keep it up!
hey there , nice poem , realy meaningful .
keep writing
that was a really beautiful piece and it has made me realise how much my mother does for me as well.
Now down to the review, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It lasted just the right amount for my liking not too short and not too long and dragged out, You got straight to it with no filler lines.
The vocabulary was pretty astounding where there were even some words that I don't know which is brilliant if you keep using the highest of tier vocabulary like this then that will definitely help make every single piece of writing you do even better.
It was actually a very realistic poem which you don't see a whole lot of these days so it was a nice change of pace. It really was an accurate description of how although our mothers may scold of sometimes when we're up to no good in the end the mother and son will always love each other because of this special bond that they both share. So you did a great job of showing very accurately how mothers behave and how they react in accordance with certain situations.
Overall it was a fantastic piece of work I can't see a whole lot of negatives. The spelling and grammar are both fine the only little thing I'd like to point out as a personnel preference is to sometimes describe it a little bit more simpler as I found it a tad hard to follow and understand what a few of the lines meant, but like I said that's a personnel preference, there is nothing actually wrong with this, I enjoyed reading it and will be looking out for your future pieces to come.