Published February 11, 2014
He gets in a car and claims it as ‘class’
I tread on the road and light on men-all the same
He takes a siesta, unremitting of hot and cold
He asserts though; I live on top relishing all weathers
He is an industrialist asking for labor to work in
I owe nothing still hit upon a job, taking things on
He has money to throw around but nothing to spend on
I work day in and day out, earning enough to fetch my family
He says I can, I will, I have but all in vain
I ask thy Lord and exalted above my expectations
Loaded accounts, worries around and legal processing’s
No passion, no compassion still making him the ‘have ones’
Neither money, nor dilemma
Surrounded by my love ones yet the ‘Have not’s'
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This is a very good poem in my opinion. I really liked the resentment between the narrator and the man she is talking about. Very interesting. This is actually one of my favorite kinds of poems.
"I tread on the road and light on men-all the same
He takes a siesta"
I don't exactly know what these two lines mean, and I kind of like that. The poem could have benefited from a narrator who seemed to care more for the rich man (an interested narrator= an interested reader), but it's still really good as it is.
This is a very interesting poem. The way it was written seems very classical and how the style is so distinct. It's like reading a modern day Shakespearean poem set in the 21st century. The emotions of the poem seems a bit passive-aggressive and critical. The way you described the "industrialist" as a "have one" implies you are using him and just keep him around for the money, or something like that. I'm a little confused, but I must say that it's a good poem and hope you keep on writing.
Hi!
First off, I wanted to say how much this poem reminded me of those classics everyone has to read in their English class. It has the complexity of centuries-old poems and the hidden meaning within the lines. I also have to commend you on having a very distinct writing style and voice.
The speaker sounds sort of passive-aggressive and I haven't decided if I like her or not. I think I'm leaning more towards not because she isn't giving me something to like her for. All she does is quietly seethe at this man and has an attitude about possessions and her social/financial status. I think this poem could benefit from a more livid or passionate voice from the speaker. If her emotions or thoughts were more severe or extreme, I think it could both add to the lyrical sense of this poem and reaffirm the attitude of the speaker towards the man she is describing.
I love your word play, though, and I think you should not change that. I also really like the idea of making them from two very different classes and how you go back and forth between her life and his.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.e.