My Feelings

Hey, mayuri.

First of all, from the title I'm assuming these are your feelings. I'm sorry if you're unhappy or depressed or scared, and I hope you feel better. I also apologize that these are going to be mostly grammar-related suggestions. I don't want to criticize your feelings or the way you express them.

That being said, let's look specifically at each line. I'm going with traditional grammar rules, so correct me if any of these were stylistic choices.

There is always a girl who seems to be happy in front of everyone

But cries in alone,

she always helps others, is sweet and of loving nature,

But people takes her for granted,

But always keep a smiley face,

Many a times gets hurt by others,

So people Love a girl as she is,

and she will be there for u even if the world is opposing you !

Overall this poem is impressive, regardless of the grammatical errors. I like the style that you had written the poem in wether it was intended or not. It shows how a person, a girl, continues to smile over the hardships and sad days of her life. This may represent you but the photo matches to an extend. The photo would have been more appealing to the story if it was in black and white maybe or any gloomy filter to go along with the poem. To be honest there are millions of poems ranging from extremely short to endlessly long, your poem has no finesse. I like you poem I do, but if you think further outside the regular lines of the teenage world today and the feelings of almost 85% of the teenage population your story would stand out more. The fact that poems like this have been written like this six ways till Sunday doesn't make it as special, as this poem could be. Aside from all of this keep up the good work and keep publishing.

I've noticed a lot of people have commented on the grammatical errors, so I'll refrain from that in this review. As for the visual that is supposed to help convey the message, the writer did a decent job for a first try. However, the image seems to convey a sense of reflective sadness, thanks to her turned back and unseen face. Her emotions are up for grabs in terms of what she is actually feeling, but it's too suggestive of "having the blues." But, due to the bright colors of the sun, I can assume that she is more upbeat than upset. As for the content it is very hopeful and optimistic. I won't say that it was effective for me, the reader, since this is the writer's first attempt at poetry. I will say, however, that the writer put his/her best effort into this piece.

Hey! ChocolateCello here! Welcome to YWS!

So I skimmed over the last review and they pointed out all of the grammatical errors that I caught. I don't feel the need to repeat them so I'm going to skip over that.

I would like to talk about punctuation and capitalization though. When I write poems, I either use punctuation and capitalization as if I'm writing sentences or I don't use it at all. You're using lots of commas here, which works with your set up (Though, personally, it's not how I would do it), and you're capitalizing the beginning of every line. This is a fine set up but you need to capitalize 'she' in the first line. I also feel that the poem shouldn't be ended in an exclamation point. With the way you're punctuating, the entire poem is one statement and the entire poem should not be exclaimed.

Over all though, this was an excellent first poem and I'd love to see more work from you soon. Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello

Hi there!

So, for your first attempt at a poem, you did well. I like the the idea and theme of this poem, and the way you wrote one line, and then returned with a "but" something. That was very consistent of you.

The structure of a poem is pretty forgiving; however, yours did have a few grammatical errors. For example:

"But cries in alone,": There's no need for the word "in" here. "But cries alone" would be the correct phrase. And here:

"But people takes her for granted,": It should be "take her for granted," not "takes." When using a plural noun (such as "people") it would be "take." Make sure you have subject-verb agreement.

"But always keep a smiley face,": Again, watch the subject-verb agreement. It should be "keeps" here, not "keep," because you're talking about one person, the girl. Also, it might flow better if you were to say "smiling face" instead of "smiley face."

"But never think of hurting others,": Again, should be "thinks" not "think."

"So people Love a girl as she is,
and she will be there for u even if the world is opposing you !": No need to capitalize "Love." And if you're going to say "u" in one place, don't say "you" in another- that's inconsistent. Also, no space needed between a word and a punctuation mark.

Good job though, keep writing!

~WritingforHim99

So, here is my first attempt of writing a poem ..hope you all like it