know

by mayendejoel

Published October 6, 2010

THE UNKNOWN KNOWN WAS KNOWN BY THE UNKNOWN KNOWN .
MAYENDE JOEL SIRONDA.

Comments & reviews · 6
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kikialicia31
Review
kikialicia31 wrote a review Review · Oct 8, 2010

Welcome to Young Writers Society.

ladypurple wrote:

THE UNKNOWN KNOWN WAS KNOWN BY THE UNKNOWN KNOWN .
MAYENDE JOEL SIRONDA.


Weird tounge twister. I wouldn't recommend CAPS LOCK. It seems like you're yelling to me: "HEY, LISTEN, YOU!!!"
Also, I don't know where exactly this would be placed.... Maybe in the general story type area spot thing.....
~Ladypurple.


I agree with everyone. This is a weird tongue twister. You really shouldn't use all CAPS LOCK. It seems like you're yelling to every reader: "HEY, LISTEN, YOU!!!". I really don't know where exactly this would be placed... Just remember that don't use all caps, it's not good grammar. You can't do this in this site.

Good luck,

Alicia.

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LadyPurple
Review
LadyPurple wrote a review Review · Oct 7, 2010

mayendejoel wrote:THE UNKNOWN KNOWN WAS KNOWN BY THE UNKNOWN KNOWN .
MAYENDE JOEL SIRONDA.

Weird tounge twister. I wouldn't recommend CAPS LOCK. It seems like you're yelling to me: "HEY, LISTEN, YOU!!!"
Also, I don't know where exactly this would be placed.... Maybe in the general story type area spot thing.....
~Ladypurple.

User avatar
Button
Review
Button wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2010

Hi there :)

So, I think that perhaps this is, as mentioned above, a tongue twister of sorts, or a phrase that sounds interesting, and may be an interesting thought for further expansion.

As it is, I don't think that this is a complete piece. If you expand on it though, please let me know, and I'd be glad to read it. :)


-Coral-

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Tigersprite
Review
Tigersprite wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2010

As Mizzle pointed out, this is a tongue-twister, not poetry. And please try and follow the guideline while posting--Please use good grammar. Posting in caps is not good grammar. Next time, if it's poetry actually write something which is at least three or four lines.

TIGERSPRITE

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Abigail_W.
Review
Abigail_W. wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2010

Hi Mayendejoe! Welcome to the Young Writers' Society! I'm afraid I have to agree with Mizzle; this isn't exactly a poem. I'm not sure if YWS is the right place to post it, either, but there are plenty of places on the internet for you to post odd little tongue-twisters, quotes, thoughts, and ideas. Perhaps you could look into Tumblr, Twitter, or Facebook.

ALSO, WRITING IN ALL CAPS MAKES THE READER THINK YOU'RE YELLING AT THEM. It would be more likely to see "AARGH!" in all caps than "THE UNKNOWN KNOWN WAS KNOWN BY THE UNKNOWN," unless, of course, there is some sort of a cryptic visual message that the capital letters were meant to portray.

I hope this helps!

- Abigail

P.S. I might rethink posting my full name on the internet if I were you. I'm not meaning to sound like a prude or anything, but it could turn out to be very dangerous.

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Mizzle
Review
Mizzle wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2010

Hello there, mayendejoel! Oh, and welcome to the Young Writers Society.

First of all, I'd like to say that, in general, we don't use all-CAPS when posting our works. It does tend to hurt the eyes, yes? Just remember that for the next time that you decide to post something in a writing forum (especially on YWS!). Secondly, this does not look like a poem to me. It is more like a quote, or (quite honestly) a tongue-twister.

This is not poetry, though, and of that I am sure. It doesn't even make sense, for goodness sakes. There is not much to review about this, seeing as it is just a one-liner that doesn't make sense when read or spoken out loud. I suggest revisiting your thoughts as to why you wrote this, and maybe expanding this poem a bit.

It's a good tongue-twister though. If you ever need help with poetry, you can check out the Poetry Discussions & Tips forum and some of our poetry-loving users will be sure to give you some guidelines for the next poem you want to write.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to PM me.

Cheers & have a good day,
Mizzle



"would you still love me if i was a worm" yeah babe i would AND id get you your own compost bin so we could enter gardening competitions together
— Corvid