Young Writers Society

I feel like this relates to live very much , often as a child we see the world as nothing but great. There's always plenty to do and discover. Children are often quite innocent because they have not yet been faced with significant troubles. But as you get older , the perfect image of the world have slowly gets cracks in it. The weight you carry around with you only continues to grow and the cracks just keep getting larger and larger and eventually all you're left with is a crumbled image and like glass it's left shattered around you. Life is like broken glass I think , you can't just leave it there for you to step in only to make a bigger mess but you can also hurt yourself by trying to pick up the pieces. Good job!!

This is simply lovely!
I think your format is great, and the language here is beautiful.

Description is great. I love the symbolism of a rose- beautiful and dangerous. What so many young women dream of being. (At least I do)

One suggestion: your ending quote (which I adore) you might want to consider entering down another line, creating a space. Since you cite this quote (thank you, for this) it almost looks as if Christopher Poindexter wrote this whole piece... it might throw readers a little. It sorta scares me.
Just a thought.

Great job. Keep it up, I can't believe this is one of your first works, and you're so new! You definitely belong here:)

yours,
~iron.n

Hello there. This is my first review in months. I'm revising my review structure. Let's see how this goes.

First impressions: I read this twice. My initial thought is that this poem refers to a girl who refuses all of the attempts of her suitors. That, although beautiful, over time she was worn and weary by many failed relationships. A very beautiful and profound message. Alternatively, I could also see this as her being so truly beautiful and fragile, no man was good enough for her. Also a good message. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Nitpicks:
Let me direct your attention to flow. This poem had a good flow, but at times it was disrupted by the aforementioned lack of breaks. Some lines seemed to go on too long. A good practice is to read your poem aloud - or heck, read it backwards if it helps. Authors tend to write something and read it only in their head - a dire mistake. Your mind will often skip many of the casual things we use in speech so very often - like "of" for example. It is crucial that you pick out every individual word and examine it both individually and as a component of your line. Does it flow well, does it sound good, does it make sense?

Capitalization? Well, it seems to work for this poem. Punctuation? That could use some work. That also disrupts the flow.

Conclusion: A good poem disrupted by a few insignificant problems.

As always, keep on writing!

I like this poem. It's very expressive, and pretty, and dramatic. That said, I cannot stress enough exactly how much proper grammar would really compliment this poetic piece.
You could capitalize a few letters where they need to be, pepper the commas and periods in their proper places, and save the people reading it to have to struggle to understand your rhyming words. Such a little thing and your poem will be a lot more sophisticated and easy to read. But other than that, I really like this!

Hello Maya22!

I'm glad to see that you've come back and posted something. Welcome to YWS!

I like to see that you're not bothering with the capitalization and stuff that usually would catch up a poet when they're first struggling with things. I think in some ways, you do need to be careful to make sure that the capitalization matches the poem you're working on, but I also think you've got that under control because I like that this isn't capitalized since it's dealing with the sensitive issue of self-esteem.

Overall, I think the poem has a nice sense of what's going on, it has a good image, and a good follow through on that image is also sound. I like that you kept with the image of a rose and really went into using the whole of the rose instead of just relying on the fact that it was a rose.

One of the parts I think you're lacking in this poem is the empathy with the audience. You're not really connecting with me as a reader to make me feel anything as I read this poem, and others might disagree. I'm a pretty hard reader, but I think one of the ways you can do that is to show the sadness and the dying rose rather than telling us it is a dying rose. Put in some more descriptions and show us how they relate to reality. What's a dying rose look like? What does the browning and wrinkling of the petals mean for what your narrator looks like? Does she have really dry chapped skin? Does her head hang down farther every day?

Getting into these things is going to make this image come to life even more, and give us a better sympathy for this other human being who is dying forever because right now, I think of a dying rose, and I don't think it's beautiful, I see a ticking clock, waiting for the time I have to throw it out and get a new one. That's not a really good metaphor at that point, but if you go farther and describe how the ages of the rose are to her, then perhaps I can go along with you as a reader farther and get deeper into the poem easier.

All in all, I think you have a good start! Keep it up!
I can't wait to see what else you put up here for us to review.

Aley