Published November 14, 2008
It's just something I wrote one night this past summer. I don't have a melody for it yet, but here it is. For reference, I'm going to pair it with a light, quick melody.
Summer Nights (bland & horrible title...moving on.)
An endless summer night,
The one I know, you know, everybody knows,
Everybody you love is right in plain sight
Lyin’ under the stars with you
Wishin’ on the same star of truth
[chorus]
‘cause you know that summer life is crazy.
Speedin’ down '64
Hair streamin', singin', front seat
If there’s one thing I know, I know for sure,
‘cause, I know, you know
That summer life is crazy
Yeah, this right here is all I know --
Lying here in an old construction zone,
Watching the meteors flash across the sky,
And I make just one more wish tonight
[chorus]
Same wish at every double number, star, and penny
Tossed into a fountain of disbelief
This one’s for eternal summer,
Procrastinating like the gold of autumn’s first leaf
[chorus x2]
The last verse is way more.. poetic.. than the rest of the song, but whatever. It's just something quick. Any thoughts? Thanks!
- mav
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Hello there,
first of all I'd like to welcome you to this wonderful, wonderful site. I'm sure you'll love it and learn loads about writing.
Considering your set of lyrics I have few tips for you. I think some of them have been brought up by RoryLegend, but i think that's alright, because that just shows that I agree. =)
Go with the Flow
The first thing I noticed was thatsomehow your images are hardly linked together. I mean, sure they make sense in the context and as regards to content they belong together, but somehow it just sounds kind of choppy.
An endless summer night,
The one I know, you know, everybody knows,
Everybody you love is right in plain sight
Lyin’ under the stars with you
Wishin’ on the same star of truth
Just so you see what I mean: In this frst stanza with every line a new aspect of the picture is given, but they're never linguistically linked together. I mean sure, the asyndeton on the second line is okay, but alltogether it just sounds kind of choppy and to make it meorable and nice you want your lyrics to flow well.
Story
Also I agree with Rory, that a little more story, just to tie the images together better would be nice. You don't even have to change all that much, if that makes sense to you. This would make it more relateable.
I think that's pretty much it. I hope I was able to be some help and keep on writing songs!
All the best,
~Kalliope
P.S. Should you have any questions or trouble finding your way around just drop me a PM and I'll be very happy to help you =)
rofl, I didn't even make the Grease connection o_O! Thanks for pointing that out, and for the welcome and good critique as well. I definitely get what you're saying for all of it, and I'll look to rework it. (:
Hello Maverick!
You are one very new member! I love how you have that whole 2:1 ratio. Brownie points and snaps for you haha! You deserve 24 hours of good luck for being the first new member I have met to have the posting to reviewing ratio correct.
Anywho, I have never critiqued Lyrical stuff before, so bare with me.
First off, the title. All I could think was Grease. Sorry to be blunt but maybe come up with something else. I just imagined poodle skirts and leather jackets the whole time.
Um I agree that the last stanza does change but thats okay, a lot of songs try to make a change to tell a story or something. Your song doesn't seem so much a story as it does a description though so i don't know if that really will work for this.
Some of this didn't make sense to me, but some songs are not meant to make sense, just depends. I mean, it is your song.
I would say you could def go back and re read and edit and figure out what beat you want to put it to or whatever (i'm not a very musical person sorry) Like fast or slow lol.
Yeah, just bare with me I am almost done haha.
Anyways, I mean for the most part I liked it. If it was to come out today I would guess it would be country and maybe be a quick favorite and then dissipate. Lol.
Yeah I dunno I'm crazy.
Keep up the hard work! And WELCOME!
--Rory :]