Raindrops

Hi mastersanskar,

This brought some nostalgia for me. When I was 15, I wrote a poem about rain drops.

It was terrible. It was worse than this. Still, many years later, I think I can write at least okay poems sometimes. And that's how difficult a road poetry can be.

First, don't capitalise every word. It makes this poem almost impossible to read. Follow this advice immediately.

Second, dropping in verbs and expecting them to be meaningful to the reader doesn't work. I did this when I first started writing poetry because I couldn't really think of how else to express what I meant. Sure, maybe rain drops do dance, tremble, cruise, descend. But you're just telling us this, without showing us it in an interesting way. A list of verbs isn't poetry. Do more. Be more ambitious.

Third: I have no idea what you're trying to say. Is this a description of the feelings of rain drops in your hand, plus a discussion on the narrator's feelings of the future, past and pain, plus memories of childhood? Your ideas are messy and your poem is messy. I don't know what you want to me to think, or feel, or experience. I'm lost because I think at the core of this writing, you are lost. You don't know what you want to say. You want to write, and that's good, but I don't know what you really want to say. Writing a poem about multiple ideas is possible and I commend your ambition, but sometimes it's better to start small and learn the ropes before throwing in several concepts at once. Try and nail down the basics before hitting the big time.

Good luck out there.

that is beautiful. I love how you captured the essence of childhood freedom with no worries. I felt like a small child with the joy of jumping in rain puddles.

Good stuff:

You used several words at the beginning that were describing what the water was doing all in a row. That's good writers craft.

Using a question at the beginning caught my attention and drew my into the poem. I saw a picture of a little girl in a bright yellow rain coat, dancing, laughing, and trying to catch the raindrops. It interested me and made me want to read more.

This was an excellent poem. you obviously put alot of time and effort into creating such a vivid word picture of something so simple as rain.


The Not-so good stuff:


The very last bit gave me an unclear picture, how does a drop Smuggle?

Every Single Word Is Capitalized. You May Have Chosen To Do It That Way, But I Think That You Should Change It. It Really Doesn't Matter, It Is Up To You.

Wow! I absolutely loved your writing!!
I was very intrigued by your personalization of the raindrops and how you were able to connect this to real life situations. Perhaps the only criticism would be that you could extend on this idea further and include some sort of twist or simply add a few more stanzas. However, it was a very impressive piece overall. Especially since you are quite a young writer.
Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work!!

- Erin

Wow! Its really nice to see Indians around the same age making such wonderful masterpieces. I for one really loved it!

Hi mastersanskar!

As promised, a review of Raindrops. As I am sitting here, it is raining outside and some drops are still trickling down my neck every now and then, so this is the perfect poem for the day. To start with, welcome to YWS!

A great piece and definitely, as you describe it, "worth-reading".

I shall start working by stanza.

Stanzas 1-2

The gap between the first and second lines is good. I like it. The first two lines of the second stanza are great, but the third line bothers me a bit. It feels slightly off-kilter, and not as refined as the other lines. The rest of the stanza is more abstract—the reality in this one is slightly jolting, so it could do with a bit of editing. The fourth line has about twice as many syllables in it as the first, and makes for harder reading. Remember, think raindrops! Short, dotted drops! Short lines!

Stanzas 3-4

The last line of the third stanza seems to be just there to fill in the rhyme, very conveniently, but it shows in the poem as an almost nursery-rhyme style. Avoid it and don't be hemmed in by rhyme. Just let it flow, like raindrops.

Beware of letting your lines ramble on like they do later in the poem. Keep them short. Think droplets!

You can break up the last line into two to keep it raindrops and not rainsquirts, but the wording is very good.

Overall, very fresh, very free, a good application for free verse. I enjoyed this read!

Keep it flowing!
barefootrunner

So, this is my first worth-reading poem.
I need feed backs about how it is.
Comments will be appreciated

My name is Sanskar Tiwari.
I am from India and I am 13 years old.
I am looking for a topic for novel.
Any help would be appreciated.

-Sanskar Tiwari