Hello diary here we are again with the two lonely birds but I want to tell more story what happened next hope you enjoy the story.The girl continued to be with her besties she has five best friends the one sixth friend who said you are wasting time on someone
She never shared her secrets anymore because she doesn't like
When people get judged.
She of course felt sad every time because deep down in the soul she never felt something like this before and at the same time something was missing but what?
(Wednesday 31 of November 2026)
(At lunch time)
The girls sat at lunch together.
At lunch it was fish with rice and as a dessert you get an Apple or something else.
After eating they still have to chill in the garden.
Then one of the girls say
Haila :"Do you girls have any wish"?
It doesn't exist that name but it's also not to expose also her names
So I made it up or otherwise you will guys not understand what is happening okay back to the story.
Salin:"I guess I have one wish but I don't know if this wish will come true".
Haila:"Oh don't worry you can trust us".
Juju:"Oh my gosh you like someone I knew I can see from your loving eyes".
Valva:"It's okay you can tell us who you like or love".
Salin:"Fine but you have to guess I will give you a clue it's not from my class it's from juju's class".
Juju: is it (saying random boys in the classmates)
Salin:"No wrong".
Then they both said the boy which it was correct.
Salin:"This is so embarrassing
She was ofcours embarrassed and was about blame herself
But her besties looked each other
And she thought they will jugged her just like before but she can't find her feeling to herself either.
She was so scared what will happen but then all five friends huge her.
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,461 Reviews
This is a very sweet story! I also read Jaye's review, so I'm going to try not to focus too much on grammar and flow in my review, instead I have some tips for your storytelling.
You don't need to share everything with the reader. We don't need to know that these aren't the girls' real names. Furthermore, the amount of friends is confusing, it's also confusing which girl is the main one. My biggest tip for this is to take a step back, maybe write something else, before coming back and seeing what's required and what isn't. That was a really big thing, I understand wanting to paint a picture, but an easy way to do that is mix it in with the action. Like you could say that while all the girls were talking they were eating the foods you've previously listed.
Also, the sixth friend is only mentioned once in the story. "one sixth friend who said you are wasting time on someone" I'm just a little confused on this. Quotation marks would also be helpful, but what does the friend's statement add to the story? It doesn't really make much sense and adds some confusion, especially since we never hear from this ominous sixth friend again.
I think the biggest tip I have for you right now is to read a lot. There's a lot of really good short stories on here to start with and see what you can do to improve your story structure. It really helped me improve my descriptions and overall style!
I know this might feel discouraging, but your story has a really sweet message and I'm excited to see how your writing is going to progress! Continue working on enhancing your skills whenever you can, I had a teacher who always said, "Writing is one of those things where every time you do it, you'll get better."
Keep going!!
Hey there!
The aspect of this story is neat. I like that the girl thinks that if she tells anyone her secrets that they'll judge her. It's real, and that's the sad part of life.
The main thing that I feel like need help is grammar and it doesn't flow easily. I'll give you some examples.
Haila :"Do you girls have any wish"?
It doesn't exist that name but it's also not to expose also her names
So I made it up or otherwise you will guys not understand what is happening okay back to the story.
Salin:"I guess I have one wish but I don't know if this wish will come true".
Haila:"Oh don't worry you can trust us".
Juju:"Oh my gosh you like someone I knew I can see from your loving eyes".
It's a little fast paced, and I was confused by how they knew she liked someone. I get that they're her best friends but like I had said it doesn't really flow.
It's a nice set up, nice work!
~ Jaye.