I glanced at her as she walked towards us,
Casually twirling a strand of her hair as if it ain't obvious.
She sniffles and sits next to me,
Adjusting the bracelets that adorned her wrists.
I rolled my eyes and looked pointedly at her,
She caught my eye and adjusts them again.
"I cut again last night." She said.
"I just couldn't bear it anymore.
The lies he told me,
People ignoring me,
My parents not caring for me,
It was all just too much."
Everyone looked sympathetically at her,
As if she was the most pitiful person in the world.
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair,
Wishing I was anywhere but here.
She continuously told everyone about her feelings,
And everyone kept trying to comfort her.
"Hey, say something." She nudged me.
Trying to get me to say something that would please her.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked nonchalantly.
She looked at me as if I should know what to say.
"At least comfort her." My friend said.
I looked at my friend, then at her.
"Why should I?" I asked, flicking a blade of grass.
Everyone looked at me weirdly.
"She just cut herself, she needs to be comforted right now." Another one of my friends said.
It's true.
She did just cut herself.
But honestly, I could care less.
"She's cut herself at least twenty times the last three weeks." I laid down on the grass, placing a hand over my eyes.
"She's been saying the same things the last three weeks.
She posts it everywhere whenever she cuts,
She tells everyone about it, as if she's advertising the fact that it's okay to commit self harm."
I could feel everyone's eyes on me.
I felt someone slap me.
A sob escaped someone's mouth.
"How dare you." She choked out.
I pushed myself off the ground and looked at her.
As If something snapped inside me,
I reached out and slapped her back.
"No. How dare YOU!" I growled
A felt hot inside
I needed to let everything out
"I don't care if you cut yourself anymore
You cut yourself and look like you're the most pitiful girl in the world.
Your problems are just minor.
So what if your boyfriend dumped you over some bimbo?
There are more guys out there
So what if your parents are ignoring you?
Maybe you should try to communicate with them more instead of leaving the house all the time
So what if people are ignoring you?
You've got us,
We're here for you all the time.
Some people out there don't have families or friends they can count on!
They don't have the money to buy whatever they want!
They don't have a roof on their heads and clothes on their back!
So next time you want to cut again for problems such as those,
Think again.
Some people have it worse than you but they try to live day by day
Try to make everything in their life better.
Think about that."
Everyone stared at me as if I was some display monkey in the zoo.
I sighed
I felt so much better
As if the world has been lifted off my shoulders
I stared at her one more time
Chuckled
And walked away.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey Maryanne!
But it was an interesting viewpoint on cutting. I haven't seen a poem from this perspective so good job on making the poem unique there.
So this was interesting. I guess now I know what you think about cutting. And yes sometimes I do think people can do it for because they want some sort of attention and want to be pitied. Usually it is people who toss it around in public. But remember there are those who even though it may be over such a small thing, they think about it and overthink so much it seems like the end for the them. And although they may be better off than most people, what's a problem in their eyes is a problem to them. So if someone is telling you one on one, a different response might be needed. But heh, you know this
Nitpicks:
I think you mean 'I couldn't care less.'
I felt hot inside.
I think this is a very narrative poem and you are trying to get a point across. But sometimes it just felt like prose in a poem. Maybe you should work a bit more on form. Because you have a lot of random long sentences and short ones. (I liked the three lines at the end. I like how you isolated chuckle so it was all on its own.) But you could toy with this a bit more to get your message across. For example:
Some people out there don't have
families
or friends they can count on!
They don't have the
money
to buy whatever they want!
They don't have a
roof
on (should be over actually) their heads and
clothes
on their back!
So next time you want to
cut
again for problems such as those,
Think again.
Some people have it
worse
than you but they try to live day by day
Try to make
everything
in their life better.
Think about that."
By doing that I'm just changing the line breakings so it puts emphasis on those words in particular in the sentence. But you could so much with form, it's up to you! You could also discretely use more poetic techniques. If you look through the forums, you should be able to find some great articles about this. I know barefootrunner wrote an awesome explaining one.
But it was still a good poem and something new to read! Thanks for sharing
Deanie x
Hey there maryanne!
It a beautiful piece. I loved this.
I completely agree with you. I mean teens nowadays cut themselves over pathetic excuses. Boyfriend problems? Their parents don't "understand" them or get them whatever they want? They fall in love with someone and sulk over the fact that they don't love them back. I mean, seriously? That's what's their lives are worth?
They'll understand REAL pain the day they move out of the house and start their families and jobs. They'll understand what life is and how hard it is.
People don't understand the depth of the quotes, "Life is not a fairytale" and "Life is not a bed of roses."
Parents don't pay attention? Well, ever thought that they might be busy with their jobs for which you are living in a house and living well? Why don't they understand that everything their parents are doing is for them?
*sighs*
Kids these days. Why are they like this? >.>
Sorry 'bout that. I just hate it when someone cuts themselves. And over what? THIS? -.-
Anyways, I LOVE THIS. :3
You really have brought up a important issue.
Well done!
Keep writing,
~Gigi
Thank you so much!
I'm glad that you like it! Also, I completely agree with you. Kids these days take everything for granted -.- though I can't speak for myself since I take stuff for granted too ._.
Oh my..!!
This is amazing, someone today was saying that they were going I cut their wrists and inside I just felt anger like your character, I mean it's LIFE you know, and people jut try to throw it away when thy have t better than so many others out there. This was seriously brilliant though.
Your character was strong and the reader (well I did) wanted to stand behind the main character the hole time and show that other girl what reality was.
I can see no errors within this and your line breaks were really well done, there wasn't a time where I stumbled over a word or sentence.
I apologise for no criticism but I can find anything
Just want to say that you are a great writer and I hope this gets to the Spotlight, as I think people need to see this side to it. Good job my friend I am following you!
-CFG
Omg thank you so much
yeah I was quite angry when I typed this up because heaps of people have been coming up to me and telling me how they were going to cut themselves. ._. Like WHY?! As you said, it's LIFE. You can't just throw it away for some stupid reason.