It's Complicated

She sat on her porch patiently waiting for the street lights yellow hue to light up, which would follow her fathers rushed departure from the house to catch his nightshift. Once he leaves, the house is left untouched for a few hours as she continues to sit on the porch analyzing the sky. Sometimes she’d bring the lawn chair from the backyard, usually during the summer, and lay herself on it to look up at the beautiful Nevada sky. Since the nights have gotten a bit colder these days, it was more convenient to stay nestled on the porch accompanied by a thick blanket and the patio’s heater.

Other than the infamous Sin City, there isn’t much to see or do in Nevada. After graduating high school many people in her circle of friends had either moved to California to make names for themselves or traveled. The ones who decided to stay were those that either didn’t feel bothered to attend college, or were too consumed with work to focus on anything else.

The streets were always empty. Not only did she live in a neighborhood mostly accompanied by senior citizens, but after building the newest 18+ club in next city even the few high school teens that would usually take strolls around the neighborhood were gone. While there wasn’t much to look at now, the evening silence was just enough to keep her satisfied on most nights.

After making it a habit of sitting outside every day, she became somewhat familiar with a certain guy that would pass her house every night around the same time. She had never spoken to him, or even recognized him for that matter. He didn’t look too old, so she often wondered whether they may have gone to high school together or not. That question was ruled out after a few clear glances of his face.

He had shorter dark brown hair with a smaller build. He didn’t seem that tall, compared to her 5’7 height. From what she guessed based on his darker features, his eyes seemed to be a very dark brown. He was definitely good looking, but too small for her taste.

Sometimes she’d catch herself reaching for her phone for the time to get a sense of how long until she could see him again. Besides seeing her father, on some days it was her only chance at seeing another being. In the beginning she would wonder why he would be walking so late, around 11 pm every night, and would assume that he was probably walking home from work. He didn’t wear any work attire that would be easily recognizable though so she figured that idea was out of the question.

As if on schedule she could hear footsteps in the distance. She contemplated starting a conversation with him this time, like always, as it could be the start of a new friendship. Usually she chickens out from the fear of making friends with a psychopath.

The footsteps got closer and she could barely make out his silhouette from behind the bushes of the house 2 doors down. She brushed the blanket off of her and ran her hands through her hair in an attempted to get herself ready if she does decide to take a chance at a potential conversation.

As he made his way past her neighbor’s house her nerves began to build up even more. There was nothing to be nervous about, other than the fact that he was a total stranger. She was usually good at making new friends, as she is not really shy.

He began making his way past her house when she opened her mouth, but closed it right away and bit her lip. How could she start a conversation? Ask him where he was going? Surely she wanted to know, but that would make her the creepy one.

“Can I walk with you?” she finally blurted out as he made his way toward the following neighbor’s house. She couldn’t see him anymore and let out a deep breath. Hopefully he didn’t hear her to save the embarrassment.

“Sure” she heard a loud response in the distance. She didn’t know how to react, or if she should even go. Why would she set herself up in such a sketchy situation? Walking around in the middle of the night with a complete stranger.

“I’m not going to wait forever” his voice echoed. She was conflicted. If she didn’t go, then she’d be even more embarrassed but if she did, who knows what she’d feel.

Slowly, she got up from the porch and made her way toward him. He faced her as the gap between them got smaller. He was definitely taller than she realized, but his frame was still smaller nonetheless.

“You don’t have to worry, I don’t have a criminal record” he smirked shyly.

“I’m not worried, where are we going?” she asked casually, wrapping her arms together.

“I was hoping you’d lead me to something since you’re in the mood to walk tonight” he said as they both began to stroll in unison.

“I see you every night, I was curious to know where you go. I don’t mean to intrude, I just have nothing else to do. “She said, a bit more comfortably.

He nodded, “I’ll show you then. What’s your name?”

She contemplated letting him know her real name. Should she say a fake one? It would already mark her as a liar in his eyes if he found out the truth, but it would keep her identity safe. She was conflicted, but let out a sigh.

“How about we not reveal our names just yet? We can talk about everything else other than give away who we really are. Then if we end up hating each other there’s no hard feelings. “

His eyebrows furred, and in his head he wondered if he made a mistake at letting her join in on his daily walk. He wasn’t too open when making new friends, but maybe at keeping his name a secret he can this time.

He nodded with agreement, “Sure. Already planning on hating me?”

“Eventually” she joked, “I just want to skip the awkward introducing part of meeting someone. Let’s just act as if we’ve been friends for years. It can be like a game.”

He smiled, “Okay. How are your parents? I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“They’re good. My dad is still dating around. My mom is still in New York on a business venture. What about your sister? Haven’t heard from her in a while”

He grinned slightly, “I don’t have a sister, try again”

“Sorry I must have gotten her confused with someone else. And your brother?” She looked up at him, noticing his straight white teeth beneath his full lips.

“He’s good. Just got engaged actually, their wedding will be next year.”

She could see a park in the distance, one that she hadn’t seen in years.

“Is that where we’re going?” she asked, nodding toward it.

He nodded in silence, and picked up his pace a little assuming she’d do the same. As she began walking faster, she could feel the colder air wisp past her face. It undoubtedly felt so much nicer in this area than at home. There were trees everywhere, accompanied by the parks set of swings, a small jungle Jim and merry go round. The last time she had come here was when she snuck out of her house her sophomore year of high school and came with her friends.

“Reminiscing?” he questioned, leading them to the swings.

“A little. I haven’t been here in years. “She smiled slightly

“I only like to come here on nights like these. Kind of cold and windy, but still warm enough to stay outside for hours” he took a seat. He motioned for her to take the seat beside him. “On a side note, you’re at least 18, right? Like I said I have no criminal charges against me, and I would like to keep it that way.”

She laughed, “Don’t worry, I’m not a minor.”

“I just need to be sure. So, why are you always sitting outside at night? Aren’t you afraid of being kidnapped or something?” his legs kicked off the ground, which gave him enough movement to begin swinging. He had a certain charm about him that made her feel comfortable enough to keep a conversation going, but nervous enough to keep the realization in the back of her head knowing that he’s still a complete stranger.

“I’ve always done it. It started out when I was younger sitting at the window waiting for my dad to come home from work. Since he works the nightshift, he would come home around 4 or 5 in the morning, but by then I’d be passed out on our living room floor. Eventually as I got older I started to sit outside because it seemed too stuffy in the house. I don’t do it to wait for my dad anymore, more to just sit and think.” By now she too was swinging in opposite synchronizations as him. “I’m sure you’d understand the relaxation you get by walking every night. What made you start doing that?”

“Both of my parents worked full time every day, so neither of them were usually home when I’d get out of school. I’d walk to my grandmas so she could babysit while they were working and they’d pick me up around 11. By then I would be asleep but as I got older I just started walking home. I got used to it so now I just do it to kill time before going to bed.” He cleared his throat “I would always wonder how long it would take till we’d end up talking. I always saw you outside, it almost seemed as if you were waiting for me to pass you”

Even though she couldn’t see his face, she could sense a smile forming.

“You shouldn’t flatter yourself, wouldn’t want to grow an ego”

There was a silence for a few minutes, but she didn’t mind. Both of them seemed to be enjoying the movement of the swings, the cold air rushing to their faces, and the whistling of the trees behind them. It was already dark, almost pitch black if it weren’t for the street lamps.

She reached for her pocket and had a tinge of anxiety build. How could she forget her phone? Out of everything she could leave at home, the one thing that is almost glued to her hand was gone.

“Missing something?” he inquired, slowing down the swing

“I forgot my phone at my house.” She frowned

“Good, having it around will only distract you from our conversations. Besides, maybe if you knew what time it was you’d want to be back by now.”

She looked up, alarmed for a minute. “What time is it? Surely the time hasn’t past too much”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t bring my phone with me at night.” He smiled. “Don’t worry about your phone, I can make sure you’re home by sunset”

“That’s hours from now!” Her eyes widened, “I don’t even know if I can stay up that late”

“Well if you want to go home now, I can walk you home.” He pulled his swing to a stop

Was she really freaking out over a phone? She must have sounded so superficial to him.

“No, I’m fine. You’re right, we can talk more without technology in the way.”

He flashed a smile bigger than the one’s she had seen previously, “c’mon, let’s go lay on the merry go round”

Making sure he hadn’t seen, she smiled to herself. She was wrong. His eyes were a lighter brown, much lighter than the dark brown she thought him to have and the yellow street light illuminated them beautifully.She watched as he made his way toward the wheel, turning around to see if she would follow.

She made her way toward him and he ushered her to sit between two bars while he took the spot directly opposite of her. She laid her back on the cold metal and looked up at the sky. The stars looked so much different in this location than the times she’d spend on the patio chair at home. They were clearer and seemed to glimmer more.

“So are you seeing anyone?” he asked hoping she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

“Not really. I’m sort of talking to someone, but I’m not really sure where it’s going.” She answered truthfully. “He’s nice and everything but doesn’t seem that interested. I don’t even know if I’m interested.”

“What’s not of interest to you?” He asked, reaching his arms toward the sky

“I always thought I’d be around someone more edgy or spontaneous before settling down with someone on the more comfortable side.” She sighed, “But he’s a really nice guy. I would be crazy not to pursue anything with him. Anyway, what about you? Are you dating anyone?”

“I haven’t in a while.” She could feel him repositioning his body, probably in a more comfortable spot as she wanted to do the same. “We broke up a year after I graduated high school. It wasn’t a bad break up or anything, we just wanted different things I guess.”

“What did you want?” she asked, putting her hands behind her head

“I don’t know, and that’s why we broke up. I had just gotten out of high school not to long before that and she wanted something more after 3 years. I don’t blame her, I’m sure a lot of girls would but I think I just needed to focus on myself.”

“What was she like?” Asking may have been too much, but she decided to anyway. If they were going to get to know each other, might as well get all the personal questions out of the way.

He pondered for a moment, then let out a slight chuckle. “She was really nice, as most people would describe in high school. She didn’t have too many friends like me, but we spent enough time together to not have to have a lot of friends. She was friendly to everyone, but the thing I’ll always remember most about her is her scent. She always smelled really nice, and I liked that.”

“What did she look like?” she asked, to picture this mystery girl that got away.

“She was pretty short, well short compared to you.” He cleared his throat, “She had brown eyes, and when I first met her she had braces. After our first year she had them removed. She was really pale, but it really complimented her eyes and dark hair.”

“She sounds very pretty. Does she still live around here?”

“No, as far as I know she started to study abroad. We lost contact a couple months after our break up. Now, tell me about you. Surely you’ve had a boyfriend, at least in high school?”

“I had a couple, but they didn’t last longer than 9 months. I’ve never been a huge relationship person. I usually just talk to a guy for a couple months till I get bored of them.”

“Heartbreaker, huh?” He asked sarcastically, repositioning himself again

“Definitely not, at least I try not to be. I think that’s why I’d like someone spontaneous. That way I never get bored.” She squinted, “Do you see the shooting star?”

She could feel the movement of his head nodding, “Are you a spontaneous person yourself?”

“I’d like to think so” she answered.

He sat up and brushed off whatever dust the merry go round planted on his shirt and walked around, reaching his hand out toward her. “Let’s go see then”

She furred her brows, slowly making her way to her feet. “What do you mean?”

He motioned his head to leave, “You say your spontaneous, come with me and I can be the judge”

She had lied. She wasn’t in the slightest as “spontaneous” as she claimed to be. Too late to refuse now though, he had already began making his way out of the park. Not wanting to be left alone, she followed quickly.

“Where are you taking me?”

He grinned, “Just follow me”

Neither of them said a word to each other, she just continued to keep up with his pace until he began to slow down. She was in an area that she didn’t recognize, and every time she would catch his eye he would flash a somewhat evil grin. It wasn’t that the area looked ghetto, but more of the fact that it was a lot busier than her neighborhood. There were men walking around the streets casually, which didn’t sit right with her.

They gazed at her as she walked past the, making her uncomfortable.

She grabbed his arm in an attempt to seem somewhat safe to those watching them walk. He reacted by putting that arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer toward his warm body. She could smell his cologne and felt her heart melt. He smelled so good.

They finally came to a stop and he turned to her. “See the window over there?” he asked pointing to the panel at the end of what looked like a complex building. She nodded.

“I’m going to help you in and you’re going to let me in when I knock, okay?”

“Who lives there?” She whispered

He shrugged, “I thought you were spontaneous?”

“I don’t mean breaking into someone’s home spontaneous, are you crazy?” She had to keep her voice down.

“Maybe I am” He grinned, “Now come on, I promise we won’t get caught and even if we do, I’ll take full responsibility. It’s not like we’re going to steal anything.”

“What if there are people home?” She glared, “I’m not down to scare the shit out of innocent people”

“I guarantee you they are not home.” He grabbed her wrist and began walking toward the window. “I walk around here all the time and notice things. I know they aren’t home.”

Even though it was something she’d never think about doing, she finally began to give in. She felt bad for breaking into someone’s home, but maybe trusting him will make him feel more comfortable with her.

“I’m going to pick you up now, all you have to do it maneuver yourself through, okay?” He asked. It was the first time she had finally gotten a good look into his eyes, a real one. They made her feel at ease.

After letting out a long breath, she nodded. He lifted her thin body up with ease, smiling while doing so. Once in, she turned to face him but by then he had already began making his way toward the entrance.

While waiting, she began to look around the dark room for a lamp. She didn’t want to turn the light on, as it would give away the two of them being in the apartment. With no luck, she heard a knock at the door. Looking through the peep hole, she could see him standing there looking around with a small smile growing on his face.

She opened the door and he barged in laughing.

“What’s so funny?” She asked, getting more and more confused.

“I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it. I have no idea if these people are here or not so keep your voice down.”

Her eyes grew wide, and anger built up inside her. “I trusted you, you-“

He nodded, “I’m kidding. We’re fine. They’re gone. See?” his voice grew louder “no one is here to arrest me for breaking and entering”

Relief overcame her as she realized he was right. She watched as he took a seat on the green couch beside them. She began to look around, taking slow steps to look at each and everything around her. The overall apartment appeared to be messy, with random instruments lying on the floor. She reached for a half-eaten milky way and gagged as she almost touched the part someone took a bite out of.

“Do you do this often?” She asked, stepping over a guitar

“Do what? Breaking into random apartments?” He laughed, turning toward her “Never.”

“Well I’m ready to leave when you are. I don’t know what time it is and I don’t want to get arrested” She said, noticing the unplugged keyboard by the window.

He followed her gaze and nodded toward it, “you play?”

“I took lessons for a few years, but I never got passed a beginners level.” She nodded slightly.

“Maybe you can teach me sometime. I’ve always been interested in piano.” He smiled comfortingly. “It’s not too late, your dad won’t be home for a bit longer. Until then we can make assumptions about the people who live here.”

He got up from the seat and picked up the guitar she had previously had difficulty getting passed earlier. “Guitar and piano, I’m assuming they play.”

She picked up a fallen sheet of music on the floor and held it up, facing him “Play and write”

He smiled again “Wanna go look in the bedroom?”

“As long as you don’t try anything” she contorted

“If you don’t trust me by now you’re crazy.” He glared

“Let’s go then. I’ve always thought you could tell a lot about a person based on their room” she said as she brushed past him, surprising expectations at opening the door to a very organized room. Compared to the living room, one would think there were two different people living there.

“What do you think about the person living here then?” he asked, following her footsteps

She gave one full spin around the room until she spoke.

“They’re pretty clean obviously. There’s not really anything on the walls and there’s no indication of a girl living here so I think a guy or guys live here. This one probably spends a lot of time in here. It’s comfy, but not comfy enough to bring a girl home. A bit stiff if you ask me. What do you think?” She beamed, waiting for him to reply.

He too took a while to reply, “I’m not sure actually. I thought I knew this place pretty well walking in, because I’m pretty good with assuming things about people.”

“What did you assume about me?” She raised a brow

“Why don’t we save that for when we tell each other our names? That way if tonight is our last night together we won’t expect anything” he mimicked jokingly.

She nodded, and opened up the drawer nearest to the bed to see a nothing but a pack of condoms. “Definitely a guy living here”

After a while they both made their way back to the living room and took a seat beside each other, laughing as they both told embarrassing childhood memories. She could tell he felt more comfortable around her, and seemed to be somewhat interested in her but should could easily mistake it for mere flirting.

It seemed as though he only got better looking as the night went on, she couldn’t choose between her favorite thing about him. His smile was perfect, but the way he’d stare at her while she would retell old stories would make it hard to breath at times. His voice was the most charming thing about it, so smooth and confident. He had to have known she felt him slightly attractive.

He wasn’t as talkative as her, but he used more hand gestures to explain himself which added to his character. She had to admit he was funny, but crazy. He didn’t care to be loud, but she couldn’t see him being that way around other people.

“I really should be heading home now.” She said after a good laugh, “my dad should be coming home soon and I don’t want to worry him.”

His big grin fell slightly and he nodded, “Okay, I’ll walk you home. We can both go out the window this time.”

As they both exited the apartment, she could feel his arm position itself around her shoulders again.

“Are you cold?” he asked

She nodded, and he handed her a hoody that had been rolled up in his other hand.

“Where did you get this?” She asked as she put it up to her face to smell it. No scent.

“I found it in the apartment.” He shrugged.

“You said you wouldn’t steal anything!” She glared, but it was too late now. The cold air brushed past her again, giving her a reason to put on the faded black hoody.

“Looks good on you. If we take this backstreet we’ll only be a couple blocks away from your place” he said gesturing toward a darkened alley. “I go through here all the time so don’t question the safety.”

She kept silent, and brushed his arm off her shoulders after she felt safe enough to walk freely. He didn’t seem to care and walked at a faster pace.

They were soon back at the familiar house he walked passed every day.

She turned to face him “thanks for letting me go with you tonight. It was different. Maybe we can do it another time.” She smiled, before turning around and making her way back to her porch.

He stopped her, gripping her arm and pausing a second. “I don’t know your name.”

She turned to face him again. “You said the thing you remember most about your ex-girlfriend is her scent, what will you remember most about me?”

“Your green eyes” he answered without hesitation. “They have orange around the pupil that stand out.”

She smiled, nodding in agreement. “I’d rather you remember me by my eyes than my name for tonight. I hope I’ll see you soon” and with that she let go of his loosened grip and made her way inside the house. She watched through her bedroom window as he stood there for a few minutes staring up at the house then back at the ground a few times before making his way back to his usual walk.