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who is the victim?

by marms



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Points: 83
Reviews: 3

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Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:32 pm
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PrincessMia wrote a review...



I honestly love this writing. It is truly amazing how you used just a few words to/ create such a strong emotion. I love that this poem is short and sweet, to the point; however I think you can do a lot more with this. Maybe experiment trying to make it longer and keep telling to story. I look forward to reading more of your work!




marms says...


thanks! it's going to be part of a collection so it'll have more context when it's put together will all my other poems!



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35 Reviews


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Reviews: 35

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Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:22 pm
EKK15 wrote a review...



Hi! I'm stopping by for a quick review!

So I really do like the message this poem is portraying. I think its a very strong metaphor that you wove into 3 lines so easily. I do wish there was more to the poem, but I think its so powerful in just those 3 lines, that there doesn't need to be anymore.

My one suggestion would be to adjust the flow. Specifically in the first two lines.

" You used me like a"

"Serial killer uses a knife."

The pause between the a, and the serial killer part seemed a bit off to me. I wish it flowed a bit better.

Ok so I hoped this helped a bit! I loved the metaphor and the poem in general. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to read more of your poems!

-E




marms says...


thanks!



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Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:30 am
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OS2000 wrote a review...



Hello!

I really like this. I think the metaphor when combined with the title presents a real depth of thought in just three short lines. It doesn't feel like a poem; it strikes me as a quote - which I think is really effective as it becomes close and personal in its targeted (first-person indirect speech) accusation.

Here the subject of the poem states that they were used "like a serial killer uses a knife", this immediately has large implications for the subject's complicity in an action they consider disgusting. The rhetorical question posed in the title then has renewed meaning: if the subject was the knife that caused the injury then can they really be the victim? Indeed, "who is the victim?" This quite slippery thought process is drawn to a neat, but still imperfect conclusion with the line "you didn't just hurt me" - this suggests a corruption perhaps beyond personal pain, a pain which was inflicted on others or on a spiritual aspect of the subject's being.

I love it! Although, I'm a little biased in this sense as I adore anything cryptic, especially if I feel like I've cracked it (which in this case I don't think quite have). The only thing I can offer in terms of being constructive is: be careful not to lose your meaning to purposeful ambiguity. I don't think you have here at all, as it is widely applicable to many contexts, but all the same it's something to be wary of and Its certainly something I personally am culprit of.




marms says...


thanks for the review!



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214 Reviews


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Sat Aug 12, 2017 4:59 am
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Iridescence wrote a review...



(Ooh, I'm gonna review this.)

Hello! Irid here with a review.

I will apologize in advance, considering I haven't reviewed or wrote something in a while.

So there isn't much to read in this poem, but that's still okay. Nevertheless, I really like this! I love a lot of the poems that come from you. Because of the length of this, this most likely will be a short review.

As I said, I really like this. Although, my one question is "what isn't the context of the poem?" Is it from a relationship, is it from a friendship, a family member? How did they use you? Are they using you to hurt other people? I'm not sure myself, but I kind of like that aspect. This poem could be open to interpretation and the reader could fill in the blanks, which in a poem, I enjoy.

Overall, great work! I like the shortness of it. I like everything about it. I honestly can't wait to read more from you! Thanks for the read!

-Iridescence




marms says...


this poem will be in my collection which is one story and so it will fit in and probably have more context then. i'm glad you like it! i like how the poem is open to interpretation right now but once i put it in the collection it will make sense and fit in like a puzzle piece.



Iridescence says...


Ooh! I can't wait to read the whole collection c:




History repeats itself. First as tragedy, second as farce.
— Karl Marx