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nesting

by marms



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12 Reviews


Points: 185
Reviews: 12

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Wed Nov 15, 2017 6:29 pm
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HopeSummers101 wrote a review...



Hello, Hope here.
This is an amazing poem! And part of what makes it great is that it is SO. FREAKING. RELATEABLE. This is so meaningful and amazing.

You have such a way with words, too. I love the vivid imagery you were using, like comparing him to a swift river and comparing falling in love with autumn. It was just so well done. Most poems I read don't really hit me that hard, cuz they just sound fake. But this really has feeling behind it as you talked/described that feeling when you fall in love with someone you can never have. This was just so amazing. It blew my mind away. You have a true gift for writing...Don't throw it away!

Keep writing! You have amazing work, which I will probably be commenting on. :) But anyway, keep on this good work!




marms says...


thank you!



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130 Reviews


Points: 10764
Reviews: 130

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Sat Nov 11, 2017 3:41 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Wonderful poem expressing the hurt that infatuation can inflict and does inflict on ne generation after another. What hurts even more is that we later realize sometimes how unworthy the object of our attention was and how much precious time of our short lives we wasted on the individual.

I love the vivid imagery and tone. It really pulled me into the poem and kept my attention. A true masterpiece!


Just one small Suggestion:

After reading the poem several times I realized that it can be made more consistent in POV.
The poem starts with second person singular "you". Then it immediately shifts to first person plural with "we". Then it again shifts back to the second person singular "you" and remains there until the end. Remaining in one pov is best.
https://www.janefriedman.com/point-of-view/





We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare