Young Writers Society

okay you've made me cry. i am drowning my sorrows in poems and reviewing because i love them and i spend all my time reading YWS poems and it's just really rewarding.

it's nearly eleven thirty p.m. and i'm on my bed with my heated blanket knowing i should sleep but i just made 11 Christmas cards to hand out tomorrow plus more on the way, but my creativity came to mind and if i could i would send you a christmas card handmade because you are amazing and beautiful and talented and i love being privileged to be your friend. also, my kitty grizzabelle is black and small and soft and fluffy, and she just jumped up on my bed and started kneading and is now digging her claws affectionately into my skin and laying on my chest with blankets and purring loudly. this is what you would be like as a cat, i can tell.

i am totally going to be a crazy cat lady someday.

you should be too.

aside from that i am seriously in love with your gift and style and talent in writing. it's utterly amazing and beautiful. i see that you post a new work and i get chills reading it. i look over and scan your list of creative titles - regardless of if ive read all of them or remember them from my bookmarked pages on the internet browser - and i love how you can twist a person's emotions in all the right ways.

so, the poem. i came to write a review and i have only nineteen poems to read over tonight and review but i still have more to say.

your first three stanzas end in "me", which is fine. the word isnt emphasized boldly, and the repetitious end phrasing does not confuse or interrupt readers. i think it is absolutely fine how you wrote it. i skimmed the previously posted reviews, because you rarely ask for help on a specific part of your poems, and they seem to agree.

my favourite lines would have to be:

"i lost my voice before the trees lost their leaves" (this is so very sad.)

"i'm tired of trying to win love" (RELATABLE UGH.)

"snow blankets the earth" (what a soothing feeling that appeals to the sight and touch.)

"and i'm drunk on the idea of your arms around me" (like that is shakesperian masterpiece right there woman you go girl!)

"there was once a time when being held by someone else was close enough" (so depressing in a beautiful way but i relate to this, awee.)

"the warmth of your skin is so close, and winter these days are so cold" (what a vivid contrast. it really hurts my heart to think about how much meaning is conveyed in this because i feel the same on a personal level.)

i basically love love love love love your entire poem. PLEASE KEEP WRITING i know i beg this all the time but PLEASE KEEP SHARING YOUR EMOTIONAL BEAUTY WRITING WORKS i don't know how i'd live without them AND PLEASE GET YOUR POEMS PUBLISHED YOU DERSERVE TO.

i also adore the style in which you used to write this - the font, spacing, and way of typing this is incredible. with no mistakes, enough emotional tugging to rip my heart apart, and a beautiful mind, your thoughts have once again sent me to wonderland where i can read your poems in awe and love them.

thank you for posting this, thank you so much.

I love this, it's so deep and spiritual, I feel like I can relate to this, I honestly think that when you wrote the three stanzas, they fit perfectly in the rest of the poem, so you shouldn't worry about it, it looks and sounds fine. While there may have been a mistake or two, it doesn't matter, you honestly have the right idea with your poem, it flows and I think you should keep making poems like these, so spiritual and deep, something I can relate to, I love that in a poem!

Okay, marmalade, I'm here with a review, as promised!

I have a habit of reading others' reviews first before posting my own, so as to avoid saying the same things that people have already said about the work. But since you say that you've rewritten the poem, I'm guessing you've already made the edits suggested by Lumi and Radrook. The version of the poem that I'm reading now looks sharp and neat.

The first line had me like a fish caught in a bait. You were right, it is indeed something! I had to read it twice to fully unwrap it, I had to sift through its many possible meanings. But the.essence of it is so simple: the narrator's blankness, her inability to phrase herself, because her voice has left her and fallen away like leaves in fall. It leaves the reader asking, "Tell me more."

The overarching theme of the poem seems to be about these contradictory feelings that the narrator is experiencing. Contradictory because she says that she has fallen out of love: I'm tired of trying to win love but at the same time: i'm drunk on the idea of your arms around me. So there's this conflict here, and I find it interesting. Also, I feel that the use of the word 'win' with 'love' here is beautiful, because it makes narrator's love sound like a struggle, like it is something that she is constantly engaged in and fighting for.

The snow covers the earth now, but there's also a promise of resurrection of this love, as Lumi pointed out. So the poem is kind of open-ended with regards to outcome. Finality lingers unfulfilled on the parting words of this poem.

Enough praises now, though. Time for some tough love now. Firstly, you need to elaborate the phrase "bitter dreams". It's too vague. Tell us more about these bitter dreams. They are pivotal to the poem because they hold the key to us understanding how the narrator is doing now, after what she has gone through. Secondly, the fadeout winters these days are so cold seemed sort of bland to me. I am pretty sure you can pull off a tighter ending than that. But other than that, this is one sweet poem in terms of everything, from occasional rhymes, imagery, to well placed enjambment.

You iz a genius, doll! Keep writing! I hope I could help.

Best,
Arc.

This is good.

Yessssss, marms.

Okay, so there're tense shift issues here and there between third person and second, and I personally really want you to stick with second--the You--because it is so intimate and allows the use of second I. The flow is so smooth, and this is partially because of some rhyming you pull off--however, I want you to address some navel gazing repeated wordage with all the 'me' drops through the poem, particularly half one.

But what we have is a poem about the resurrection of hope in the idea vein that all beautiful loves may be resurrected, all beautiful things may be resurrected. But my first idea may not be true, and I believe you agree from the exploration of this poem--because the snow doesn't melt, darling, and though you state that all buried things find a way to come back up, the snow--the cold and ice that keeps things dead and captured under its weight--remains through the end, and I do not take that metaphor lightly. I don't think you wrote it lightly.

This is a gorgeous example of combining metaphors to get something new, and I praise you for it. Honestly, I've not much to say about it because you've done a wonderful job with it. Just ensure each time you read through it, you read it aloud at the pace and voice you wish for it to arrive in. If there are inconsistencies, fix them accordingly so the path to the reader's heart is smooth.

Ty

Thanks for sharing. WOW! At sixteen I definitely couldn't write like that! I love the way the poem begins by mentioning how voice was lost before leaves and flowers were gone due to seasonal change. Made me want to keep reading in order to find out how the narrator's voice was lost.

I understood the reference to "voice" as a reference to the speaker's literal ability to speak. But then I found that it wasn't since the narrator describes saying something to someone after the voice is lost. So I concluded that I had been wrong. I also wondered who the "you" and the "he" who were mentioned were. The description of snow blanketing the Earth caused me to momentarily pause to wonder whether it meant the entire earth.

Also, I temporarily concluded that that frigid weather had something to do with causing the speaker to feel drunk with the idea of imagining his arms around her. The desire is then described as having been buried, so I concluded that it had something to do with the loss of voice.

Then the loss of voice is revealed to be inability to find proper words to express emotions or ideas. The "you" is asked to ask the speaker to see how she's doing. She promises to try her best to find words to express it.

Suggestion:

I would try to add a little more details in order to convey the emotion intended more clearly.