Nature

While the concept and message of this poem are articulated well I think a few things can be done to improve it. first off, If you develope the nature images it might provoke one to actually go outside. There doesn't seem to be anything wonderful about nature that the reader would be missing if they didn't go outside. So I would say use more descriptive language to describe the things in nature.

Secondly, the fourth and sixth line seem to disrupt the natural flow you had at the beginning so maybe you could shorten those up a little.

Good work and have fun editing.


LZ

While the concept and message of this poem are articulated well I think a few things can be done to improve it. first off, If you develope the nature images it might provoke one to actually go outside. There doesn't seem to be anything wonderful about nature that the reader would be missing if they didn't go outside. So I would say use more descriptive language to describe the things in nature.

Secondly, the fourth and sixth line seem to disrupt the natural flow you had at the beginning so maybe you could shorten those up a little.

Good work and have fun editing.


LZ

I like this its simple yet really sweet and unique. Your flow is great and I really like your format. Your word choice while simple was also good really good job.

Hello Makayla! I'm here for a review.

First, I'm going to say I like the idea of this little poem. It was simple and reminds me of how great being outside was. (But now that I'm on this site I'll never see the sun again.)

However, there were many parts that could be improved. Starting with grammar and punctuation, there needs to be spaces between the words you list in the top line. I will also point out that it is in your best interest to add a comma after "howl."

I enjoy the list of all the things outside, but then you add, "although all people are one of a kind." This line seems to break the flow of the poem. I can only guess you were trying to say not all minds are spoiled by electronics, but it doesn't come across very well.

Lastly, the title does not need to be in all caps. Just the first letter is supposed to be a capital.

Aside from mentioned nitpicks, this is a very pretty piece, with its subtle message to go outside. Very good.

-TigersMoon

While simplicity isn't necessarily a bad thing, I feel as though this poem is rather plain in construction. This is not to say that things cannot be amended. You've appeared to familiarize yourself with a simple rhyming pattern (AA BB CC), which is always a nice start. I'd suggest adding variety to your rhymes and don't feel so tied to simplicity. In order to better convey your message and motivate people to take up your cause, you must expound upon your ideas in an artistic manner. The overall lack of style in your current product could cause people to simply read over it and it wold have no lasting impact on them. Basically, you have a base idea which can be greatly expounded upon and styled. My suggestion is to take your current idea and think of more details to add. Talk more in detail of the potential danger of the overuse of electronics and how we are becoming paradoxically less social as the means for interaction increase. Talk about the beauty of nature and life in general. This small poem could easily be a portion of a much larger and ambitious project. You have your ideas, all you need to do is add style and expound upon them. Make something that will cause an impact on a person's life. Something that speaks to the human spirit.