The End of All
Quietly and patiently I wait my demise
Untouched by humans but killed by the world
Time flies by me but I grasp no present
Because my life lives in the past
So tired of thinking of the happy places
Just ready to escape the cold embraces
Taking my essence is the best I can think of
So much to endure for I think not
As a single grain of sand on the beach I am pushed aside
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Why are you untouched by humans? Explain this, including the distinction between humanity and the rest of the world, because you do not answer this pressing question in the rest of the poem. Every line in a poem must have meaning.
"Time flies" is a cliche. Replace it with something or original.
This is unnecessary wording. Lives generally do live.
You're beginning to include much imagery and many poetic devices without bothering to connect any of them or even make sense. "Cold" embraces? What makes them cold? What is the symbolism of the paradox between an embrace - which is supposed to be a warm, loving thing - and the fact that it is cold? There is untapped potential here, and sadly none of it is being used.
This makes no sense. How do you take your essence (I am not saying that it is impossible, considering that this is poetry and so can be stretched; rather, I ask you to clarify it)? You think but you don't think; how is this so?
Work on the poem. It's raw and unfinished, and not in a good way.
Hope that helped,
Galerius