Hi, magusthemad! Ready for a review?
To begin, I would like to say that you need to improve on grammar. With some many errors, I don't know how you weren't cringing or fixing it up. If that were to be me, I wouldn't let the little poem pass the red tape.
a madding pain like no other
it tears my brain asunder
The rhythm is okay, but you're exaggerating too much what you are trying to say. If you're hospitalized, then it wouldn't be so bad.
a madding pain in my head
i think that i shall soon be dead
Don't be repetitive if a poem is short. I suggest doing something else like writing it in different words or hiding the repetitive style while throwing out more explanations and information.
Overall, you need some help with grammar, and a few minor problems here and there, though I don't think you're bad. The rhythm and flow are near perfect, causing me to gracefully swim through the words and letters.
Keep writing!
~Kitty
Points: 5041
Reviews: 103
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