a madding pain like no other
it tears my brain asunder
a madding pain in my head
i think that i shall soon be dead
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, magusthemad! Ready for a review?
To begin, I would like to say that you need to improve on grammar. With some many errors, I don't know how you weren't cringing or fixing it up. If that were to be me, I wouldn't let the little poem pass the red tape.
The rhythm is okay, but you're exaggerating too much what you are trying to say. If you're hospitalized, then it wouldn't be so bad.
Don't be repetitive if a poem is short. I suggest doing something else like writing it in different words or hiding the repetitive style while throwing out more explanations and information.
Overall, you need some help with grammar, and a few minor problems here and there, though I don't think you're bad. The rhythm and flow are near perfect, causing me to gracefully swim through the words and letters.
Keep writing!
~Kitty
Too short, really. There's no definite point to it.
I don't think madding is a word. Perhaps you mean maddening?
Perhaps the second maddening should be changed to piercing, god-awful, accursed, or some other adjective to describe pain.
How ironic. Just I read this, I got a weird sort of pain where my neck mets my skull, and now it's spreading through my head....AHHHH!
It was short and sweet. But it's hard to say, I guess the repitition didn't really work with the length but then it got the feeling across...you know when your heard is in pain and your so angry! It's weird whenever I get banged on the head my first reaction is anger, then embarrasment then upset. Might try and do a poem about it myself. lol. But yeah short and sweet and inspiring.
it sounds simply like a short description of a headache or the like but it doesn't seem to hold anything deeper and so leaves the reader going, yeah and what's your point?
okay...
That was a good start...
With a poem this short, you shouldn't be repeating...
A slightly unoriginal ending, but it was okay.
Basically, this poem was entirly too short... You wrote on a topic that needs a whole lot more to it... You need to expand on this...Good rhyming and an okay flow...
Good job!