Howdy.
Well this would be a nice and witty poem, if you had managed to skate through it without that typo in the first line. "ever" instead of "every" is changing the meaning quite a bit and of course then we're faced with the fact that it's pretty unoriginal. Potty humor in poetry is just weird to see in comparison to the rest of what I mainly read, and if you were going for a majorly humorous poem, there's better ways to pull off a little thing called execution.
Such as punctuation and flow, which sort of exist here but not enough to really take an effect on the reader. It seems that when a writer decides to focus on a specific structure/style, they focus on just that style and forget that all other elements exist. Well they do and it doesn't matter how good a joke you're trying to make about the irony of society, without the supports, it's not going anywhere.
So stanzas. Those would be a nice starting point on the basis of how quickly this poem changes tracks. One of the better ways to introduce relating ideas in a poem, is by creating a new stanza, which keeps half of the bond in the transition. And then also punctuation is heavily needed here.
And also you need a language rating.
So have a nice day.
Happy revmo.
- lizz
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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