Hey Empires here with a review.
Welcome to YWS! From one new member to another. I liked the imagery in the title actually as its easy to become lost in thoughts and end up going in circles, like a maze. Most points have been covered by the reviews below, so I'll try and keep it brief.
This poem had a fantasy and dream-like feel to it. It had some great ideas, but they feel like they need to be developed and structured more so its easier for the reader to follow.
There is a lack of punctuation and grammar, fixing the formatting a bit will help.
"Have you ever thought of a night engulfed with the serenity of silvery moon.."
A question mark would be needed. I think the word, "engulfed", wasn't the most fitting, it felt a bit heavy in comparison to the moon and the soft alliterative, "s" sounds of serenity and silvery. Maybe a word like, "immersed" would fit better.
"floating cloud, cloud that looks ominous.."
Cloud is repeated here, you could cut either side of the sentence.
"never colored in fantasy!!!"
A single exclamation point would suffice here.
Keep writing!
--Empires
Points: 811
Reviews: 5
Donate