I am angry and different
I wonder what is next
I hear my cousin laughing
I see books everywhere
I want help and be happy
I am angry and different
I pretend I am ok
I feel hopeless
I touch the keyboard as I write away
I worry about my future
I cry almost everyday
I am angry and different
I understand that I am crazy
I say life is a mystery
I dream of a better life
I hope for peace one day
I am angry and different
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Heya, Madison. Casanova here to do a review for you. Anyway, let's get to it.
So, what we have here is something I used to do. List off a bunch of I statements that are supposed to drum heart strings and tear up the people who are reading it. It doesn't work that way, sadly, and I'll explain.
So, what this is is something that my pieces used to get called- a grocery list. You're listing a bunch of adjectives, nouns, and emotions that just lie on the list and don't really go anywhere from there. There's nothing to really attach to- everything's already given to us so we don't have to go through the process of going through everything to reach that emotional standing point. There's a way to change this- Imagery.
Imagery is where you use metaphors to tell a story. My favourite method of this is think of the situation you want to describe. Now think of everything that reminds you of that sitaution. Now take those situations, and describe them. Let the words play around on the page and let them dance together until your story forms. This way the reader sees what you're wanting to portray, but they take the same journey you did to get to that ending. That way, they have the same experience and the relate to how you feel, instead of just sympathizing, which isn't always the best thing because then they're not gonna completely understand exactly what you're going through.
Anyway I hope this helped and feel free to find me if you have questions or need help.
Keep on doing what you're doing.
Sincerely, Casanova
Hello madisonmarie, Katja here for a review. As with all my reviews, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you find unhelpful. With that being said, onto the review!
OROverall Opinion
Your poem "I am" is a quick and straight to the point piece about, what seems to be the feeling of being out of place/isolated, and "Different and Angry". The narration tells us that the writer or narrator feels distraught and anxious about their life and future. Because this is relateable, I sincerely felt for them....
I feel like you did a good job of writing this: short lines but expressing a much deeper hurt that the reader isn't aware of, but is easily able to sense and feel through the words.
Suggestions
The poem is titled "I am" and each line begins with "I". This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I feel like it hinders the expression a bit.
Specific Suggestions (added suggestions are in red, strikeout is used to show it can be gotten rid of)
To clarify, using life twice in a row felt awkward and repetitive to me, in such a short lined poem structure. Since it was right after the previous line, "one" will be easily identified as a reference to "life" by the reader.
My last suggestion is on the second and third lines
These lines, to the reader, don't make sense or have any meaning. Because the reader only knows what the author shows/tells them, lines like these, with no specific reference or meaning, break away from the poem's flow and meaning. I would either 1) add carification in more lines that add onto these lines, or 2) remove them altogether, unless it is specifically important to the writer's understading.
Conclusion
I really enjoyed this poem. It is short, choppy, and this adds to the writer's/narrators seeming distress at the time of writing this. It is straight to the point and emphasizes the writers/narrators (in my perception) feelings of isolation and anger.
as a side note, if you, the writer, feel hopeless, please know there is always someone out there who can help you through those feelings. I know it may not feel like it either, but in time, things do get better.
You did a good job on this piece.
I look forward to reading more of your work soon,
Keep writing,
-Katja
thank you so much for the review. This was a hard piece to write because of the emotion and all.