The Map
The trunk slammed shut, packing away everything they could need for five days, and the car sputtered on, ready to take the family on a much needed getaway. Nick, Laura, and their dog, Duke, loved nothing more than going out in the wild and escaping from their busy life. Hiking up and down mountains, cooking meals over fires, and sleeping under millions of stars was their favorite thing to do. All they want to do is pack up their Jeep and travel as far as they can get.
In the past, they’ve gone to the Rocky Mountains, the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, all over. This trip, they decided on hiking The Beaten Path in the Beartooth Mountains. There weren’t many reviews, but the trail leads to a gorgeous alpine lake and goes through some of the highest mountains in Montana. Nick and Laura were always down for a new adventure.
After driving across states, they arrived at the Beartooth Mountains, deep in the wilderness. Nick opened the back door for Duke, who excitedly climbed out and started sniffing the area curiously. His black, wet nose examined every rock and leaf in sight. Laura and Nick started to get all their gear together for the long week ahead of them.
“Flashlight, check,” Laura said aloud, her checklist in hand. “Batteries, check.”
“Utensils, check. Pot, check,” Nick copied her with a smile, burrowing supplies in his pack. The two analyzed their map, and started down the trail. One mile down, forty-nine to go.
Walking through the mountains, the trail started to get thin and scarce, but would pick up again. “They call this The Beaten Path for a reason, huh?” Nick chuckled, brushing branches and leaves out of the path’s way with his machete. Duke helped them stay on track, his sharp instincts always intact. His nose was like a “superhuman map,” as Nick likes to say. The trail looked as though no one had been through it in awhile; the overgrown vines, the logs placed in the way. As long as they kept their map and compass close by, they’d be in good shape.
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The sun started to lower in the sky, followed by one of the most gorgeous sunsets they’d ever seen. “These Montana mountains look just like the pictures,” Laura awed, pausing for a moment. “We should start cooking up some dinner while we still have light.” Duke looked up at her, triggered by the word ‘dinner’. They cooked up some rice, vegetables, and squirrel over a fire, and enjoyed their meal watching the rest of the sun go down. The perfect end to the perfect evening.
The next morning, Nick and Laura awoke to Duke licking their faces, excited to get back on the trail. His black, short hair glistened in the morning light. Nick and Laura quickly packed up their tent, gathered their belongings, and got back on the trail. At least what they could consider a trail. Ten miles down, forty to go.
After a few hours of walking, something seemed off. “I haven’t seen a trail marker in awhile,” Laura started to worry, looking around. The area looked very deserted, like there had been no sign of human activity for too long. “Are we on the right track?”
Nick stopped and pulled out their map from his bag, then froze.
“Oh no,” he gasped, slowly lifting the paper out of his bag. Laura whipped around to see Nick holding up their now soaked map, and panic started to rise in her chest. The ink bled through the paper with the fibers slowly tearing apart, way beyond fixing.
They were now stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no indication of where they were. How could this have happened to two expert hikers?
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The cool night air blew through the mountains and the trees, whistling more and more as the night went on. Leaves cracked below their feet, owls hooted in the distance, and the moon brightly hovered up above. “We have to stop at some point,” Nick said, “we need rest for the long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“Should we even keep walking? What if we’re walking in the complete opposite direction we’re supposed to be going? What if we’re in a dangerous area?” Laura fumbled over her own questions. “What if we get stranded out here?” Even Duke seemed concerned.
“If anything happens, we have the perfect guard dog watching over us.” Nick patted Duke on the head, trying to lighten the mood. “He probably knows this area better than we do. Maybe we should just let him lead the way back home,” he joked. Laura smiled and looked down at Duke, who was smiling up at her. They set up camp for the night, with only the stars and wildlife around them to keep them company. Eighteen miles down, many left to go.
Nick and Laura awoke in the early morning with fog and sunlight creeping through the mountain’s valleys. Laura cooked breakfast over a fire, with Duke waiting patiently at her feet for dropped food, and Nick packed up their supplies.
He noticed they hadn’t packed enough extra food in the case they got lost, which they were. Not wanting to worry Laura more, he kept his distress to himself.
After a few hours of hiking, they stopped to rest at a lookout point. “I almost forgot how beautiful this trail was,” Laura said, trying to put her worries aside. A waterfall sprung from a rocky ledge, its water plunging into the pool below. Mist rose from the water up into the air, making it more chilly. The red, orange, and yellow leaves on the trees around made the hike seem worth it.
They stopped and ate lunch, admiring the beautiful scenery. They discussed a plan to try and follow a stream downhill to the alpine lake, which marks the end of the trail. They’d also have to stretch their supplies for as long as possible and use their compass to as much of an advantage as they could.
Suddenly, Duke perked his head up and started to sniff the air. “Do you smell a deer, Duke?” Nick said as Duke started to pace around. His ears were pointed up on high alert.
Suddenly, he took off running. He bounded up the hill, his tail wagging furiously. Nick and Laura took off after him, calling out his name. Had he seen an animal? Another person? He wasn’t the kind of dog to just take off running.
Finally, he stopped at the top of the hill with his owners not far behind, heaving their backpacking gear along with them. To their surprise, as they approached the top of the hill, they saw a town with lights and a community.
Nick and Laura let out a relieved laugh. Warm lights gleaned from the windows, and faint music filled the air from below. Nick knelt beside Duke, scratching his ears. “Good boy,” he said, his voice full of gratitude. For the first time in days, they felt the weight lift from their shoulders. They weren’t lost anymore, thanks to their superhuman map.
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140,078 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello there! Welcome to YWS! It's a very nice short adventure story you've written. I'm from the same genre. You're story is light and since there isn't too much description of every detail, it gives the readers the chance to paint their own scenes and put your story into their imagination. Not that it's bad, but I think you should describe more. Naming the food they're eating, specifying animal breeds and explaining the emotions surging through your characters can really upgrade your story.
The faith and trust they have in their dog about the fact that it'll keep them safe and guide back on the right track reminds me of a cartoon I used to watch (and still do coz I like it ).
It's a cheery end, just the kind I like. I hope to see more pieces of work from you,and I can't wait to know what happens next in the adventures of Nick and Laura!
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
What a cute story! It was such a fun little read and it brought me back to reading little short stories in elementary school. I liked the pacing of the story a lot; it flowed quite nicely. Each of the beats were definitely identifiable, from the exposition to the moment of conflict to the resolution. The conclusion to the story was also especially satisfying; I like that Duke came to save the day! It was a nice callback to the title of the story as well; it was clever how the map wasn't actually the paper map at all, but their dog.
Because of the dog as the hero, I envisioned this as a story more for kids, and I think your prose echoed that as well. None of it was too complex, and that made the story really easy to follow. You had a couple verb tense inconsistencies throughout, but that's something either proofreading or a grammar checker should be able to fix. Other than that, though, your grammar and punctuation looked stellar, which is always something to be proud of!
To echo the other review, I too think I would have liked to see more moments with the characters. There's a lot of telling and not showing in your narration, and while changing it to be more show instead of tell can lengthen the story in some ways, it can also make it more engaging. Showing can also give you fun opportunities to play with language to make your prose more complex and interesting, if you want to take it down that route as well!
Another small thing-- I think I would have liked to see more description of the environment! For a story that takes place outside, there sure were a lot of mentions of gorgeous views without a lot of description to follow them. I find that sometimes, imagining what it looks like in your head and then describing it (or even using a photo reference) can help a lot with really making your setting come to life.
Specifics
I loved your use of the word "burrowing" as a verb here! It was so specific and added interest to your prose.
I wasn't sure you needed the page break here; the two sentences felt distinct enough already without it.
Overall: nice work! I think you've got a good start to a story here, and I would love to see you revisit it to elevate it even further! I think your writing has a lot of promise, and I hope to read more of it soon! Until next time!
Overall, the story is kinda cheesy. I'm not saying anything against it, but the best way I could say to improve it would be to focus more on the moments. I can't really feel what it's like to be in the characters shoes. What are they feeling? The story overall feels rushed, and I want you to know that taking more time on the story isn't a bad thing. I understand you wrote over 1,000 words, but that doesn't mean you put time and/or effort into it. Other than that, I do like the story. And a little bit of cheese is good. But when the whole story is cheese, well in my personal opinion, it isn't that good of a story.