Published April 8, 2010
The beautiful dead are here,
They always have been,
They always will be
Although dead,
They carry their heads high
A mask on their faces,
Shield us,
Hide their rotten skulls,
Keeping them beautiful
Beautiful,
But dead
Unable to see,
We carry on,
Uncaring,
And without thought
Thoughts that do not consist of the beautiful dead
They fight themselves,
Try to control their demons,
Fiery demons,
Sinister demons,
The demons will win
The people will stay dead,
And we will simply see them,
As beautiful
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141,782 Literary Works • 675,763 Reviews
KatTrain:
I would to congratulate you by saying that you have given the most critiques of any poem I have posted, thanks! I agree with the detail. I should review the poem and use better word choice. Thanks again!
Forestqueen808:
Thank you so much for your comment. I am happy that the music you listened to fit my poem! That excites me a lot! Please review my poems whenever you want.
Hi mackenzie! I'm back to review your work!
Okay, I didn't find any nitpicks, but on the other hand, I'm not really picky. Anyways, this was really good. I found myself pondering as I read each line, which is a good thing, its good to have your reader analyze.
This has a different kind of feel to it. I was listening to some random music, and this really gentle, but sad song came on, and it was played by the violin. It fit perfectly. Great job mackenzie, I hope to see more of your work.
~Forest
*Poem lacks a smooth rhythm, try reading it aloud and revising
instead of just 'masks on their faces' add deatails like 'wearing masks, pulled taut etc etc*The beginning isn't very inspiring, maybe use some more interesting words.
The whole concept of them poem wasn't exciting for me, and your word choice was a tad bland, try making the poem a bit 'livelier'
Keep writing, i'd love to see more work for you.