by:lyleallissa
the strong winds are blowing
the branches are rustling
the wolves are howling
I am lonely in these woods
I've heard something behind me
It's coming towards me
then I looked behind
I saw many wolves growling
It's like they're going to eat me
i can't move my legs
my hands are shivering
I'm so afraid of what will happen to me
I want to run and hide
but all I can do is close my eyes
Please, will someone save me
I don't want to die
but who will help me?
no one will help me
Will I die?
But something pulled me back
it's like a big hand
then I opened my eyes
I saw someone fighting at the hungry wolves
he ripped the wolves apart
he growled so loud
that made the wolves frightened
and made them turn away
he stand like a man
but it looked like a monster
it came near me
he offered me a rose and a handkerchief
then he told me with a soft voice
'everything's gonna be alright'
then he was gone...
who are you?
why did you saved me?
why didn't you kill me?
I wish could meet you again
my mysterious protector....
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, lyeallissa26. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses.
First off, you don't have to write "by: lyeallissa26". We know that you wrote this because of the site. You don't have to repeat it.
Anyway, about the poem.
This poem seems like a good fantasy romance. You should write a story for this poem. This flow seem well and nice. You did tell us about what it is happening, but we need to see it. Maybe put some descriptions into this so we will see the main character was being attacked by wolves, and then the mysterious protector came in to save her. Also, you has some errors on here. I like to point it out for you, but other reviewers did that part. SO I leave it alone.
Overall, this is a great poem. I enjoyed this poem. I hope you write more. Well, have a nice day!
Good Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: Welcome to YWS!
thanks for commenting I'll make sure I'll get it right next time
Hello lyleallisa26!
First of all, great poem! It sort of reminded me of beauty and the beast, but then again, not. However, I do have some criticism.
"He stand like a man" I think this should be "He stood like a man" it just makes more sense to me. Also, you occasionally switch tenses from present to past in a confusing manner. Don't know if it's meant to be that way, you're the boss.
Overall, great poem!
~Kelpies.
thanks
Hello, rhia here to review!
I'll start with grammar and sentence correction first.
We already know who this poem is by, because the site adds the author line for you. Having it repeated just takes away from the overall appearance.
You have a little subject verb disagreement here. Either the "then" on the second line needs to be changed to "and" and the rest left alone, or the third line needs an "and" added to the third line and the rest left alone.
You capitalized all the other I's, so I reccommend you capitalize this one as well.
Stood, not stand.
Should be save, not saved.
Otherwise, you could use much more punctuation, and you could make the writing flow a bit better. It's very choppy right now. Also, make sure that with poetry, you try to show, and not tell. Make me see these things, don't just say they're happening.
okay thanks for the comments and suggestions