z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Mature Content

Who are You my Protector?

by lyleallissa26


by:lyleallissa

the strong winds are blowing

the branches are rustling

the wolves are howling

I am lonely in these woods

I've heard something behind me

It's coming towards me

then I looked behind

I saw many wolves growling

It's like they're going to eat me

i can't move my legs

my hands are shivering

I'm so afraid of what will happen to me

I want to run and hide

 but all I can do is close my eyes

Please, will someone save me

I don't want to die

but who will help me?

no one will help me

Will I die?

But something pulled me back

it's like a big hand

 then I opened my eyes

I saw someone fighting at the hungry wolves

he ripped the wolves apart

he growled so loud

that made the wolves frightened

and made them turn away

he stand like a man

but it looked like a monster

it came near me

he offered me a rose and a handkerchief

then he told me with a soft voice

'everything's gonna be alright'

then he was gone...

who are you?

why did you saved me?

why didn't you kill me?

I wish could meet you again

my mysterious protector.... 

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
151 Reviews

Points: 388
Reviews: 151

Donate
Sun Jul 13, 2014 7:21 pm
Pinkiegirl13 wrote a review...



Hi, lyeallissa26. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses.

First off, you don't have to write "by: lyeallissa26". We know that you wrote this because of the site. You don't have to repeat it.

Anyway, about the poem.

This poem seems like a good fantasy romance. You should write a story for this poem. This flow seem well and nice. You did tell us about what it is happening, but we need to see it. Maybe put some descriptions into this so we will see the main character was being attacked by wolves, and then the mysterious protector came in to save her. Also, you has some errors on here. I like to point it out for you, but other reviewers did that part. SO I leave it alone.

Overall, this is a great poem. I enjoyed this poem. I hope you write more. Well, have a nice day!

Good Job! :D

Cheers

Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13

P.S: Welcome to YWS! :)



Random avatar


thanks for commenting I'll make sure I'll get it right next time
:D



User avatar
223 Reviews

Points: 282
Reviews: 223

Donate
Sun Jul 13, 2014 4:14 pm
Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello lyleallisa26!

First of all, great poem! It sort of reminded me of beauty and the beast, but then again, not. However, I do have some criticism.

"He stand like a man" I think this should be "He stood like a man" it just makes more sense to me. Also, you occasionally switch tenses from present to past in a confusing manner. Don't know if it's meant to be that way, you're the boss.

Overall, great poem!

~Kelpies.



Random avatar


thanks :D



User avatar
208 Reviews

Points: 830
Reviews: 208

Donate
Sun Jul 13, 2014 11:16 am
rhiasofia wrote a review...



Hello, rhia here to review!

I'll start with grammar and sentence correction first.

by:lyleallissa

We already know who this poem is by, because the site adds the author line for you. Having it repeated just takes away from the overall appearance.

It's coming towards me

then I looked behind

I saw many wolves growling

You have a little subject verb disagreement here. Either the "then" on the second line needs to be changed to "and" and the rest left alone, or the third line needs an "and" added to the third line and the rest left alone.

i can't move my legs

You capitalized all the other I's, so I reccommend you capitalize this one as well.

he stand] like a man

Stood, not stand.

why did you saved me?

Should be save, not saved.

Otherwise, you could use much more punctuation, and you could make the writing flow a bit better. It's very choppy right now. Also, make sure that with poetry, you try to show, and not tell. Make me see these things, don't just say they're happening.



Random avatar


okay thanks for the comments and suggestions :)




Hail Hydra
— Stan Lee