I'm tired
and when I'm tired
I want to do things
that don't make sense
like watch paint dry or
write poetry.
The paint is dry
so these words appear
trying to
knock some sense
into me
because, of course,
poetry holds all the sense
in the world.
'Nonsense,' you say,
'I'm reading a poem right now
(I think)
and it makes no sense.'
Ah, but such
senselessness
as this
holds no place in true
poetry.
Poetry that grasps you
like a drowning man
pulling you into the depths
so you can see
the blurred, faint outline
of real magic
hidden behind flowery words
and clever turns
that try their hardest to
kill every cell in your brain.
But if you give in
breathe that first gulp of water
let it flood into your lungs
and take away all sense
leaving only you
floating in the midst
of that language
then you will see it -
You will see
the sense
that this whole world has been
missing
that only poetry holds.
A poem I wrote a long time ago, experimenting with free form and the word 'sense.' It's like someone senseless (like me) trying to explain the true beauty of poetry and the process I went through to understand it. Certainly felt like drowning. :)
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,622 Reviews
When I read this, I'm like, how can someone state the definition of sense? I mean really, that's impressive.
The length is nice and long, and it was descriptive. I honestly didn't know the true meaning of sense, but when you wrote this poem, it made it a lot easier to understand.
The title tells it all: sense. It's nice and simple, and the poem just slips into your mind.
There's no spelling errors that I found, which is good.
This was a really great poem!
~Sunset101
I love the way you put that and I see it that way too! The def. of sense. quite hard too, when you can barely define it yourself
Hi luckystarz6090!
This poem, despite being aesthetically nonsense, is trying to convince its readers that what the message that its trying to convey actually makes sense. I'm not a fan of logical nor practical thinking (common sense) but I think I get your point.
I suggest you rethink the phrasing; and maybe break down ideas into stanzas. I understand that people have different styles of writing and I respect that. It's my opinion, though, and you may disregard my thoughts.
I guess that's all. Keep writing. Have a nice day.
Wow. If anyone knows sense, it can't be me. But you have proved you can help with that!
I've never thought of sense like this. It's a senseless way to explain sense, because to explain sense you cannot use sense itself or else... Um.... Paradoxes? I'm no scientist, don't ask me. I loved this, I must say!
My favorite part is probably these three stanzas:
Why? Because you're SOOOOO RIGHT. The world has become pretty senseless, and poems, especially this one, are helping to bring back that sense. Don't reply to this review saying "HEY IM NOT SENSELESS!" because everyone is at least a TINY BIT senseless. I mean this in a good way, however!
I saw no errors. None. Nope. Negative. GREAT WORK!
~Em101cats~
Hello friend!
That was the most confusing yet the most logical poem I've ever read! I think... My mind's still catching up with what I just read. Still, it's really good and I like it a lot- it's like trying to make sense of something that's nonsense.
Hello there!
Well anyways, this was very nice. Personally I like the rambling bits about senselessness, which is then mirrored to a similar bit on the meaning of poetry. This works very well, and there are a couple of bits that made me laugh. The best bit I think was the comparison of watching paint dry and writing poetry. It's done so cleverly and as if watching paint dry was a worthwhile occupation*.
The only thing I would say is that you have ended a couple of your lines with prepositions, "or," and "to." Not a good thing, it would flow better with them in the next line.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
*No offense to the National Association of Paint Drying Observers.
Hi there, I'm here to rescue your work from the green room!
I really like your concept. Trying to find sense in poetry is something that I've done before, and it's interesting that you take that concept and incorporate it literally.
My first suggestion is to break this into stanzas. In order to do that, you must single space the poem, which is done by holding shift when you hit enter on the provided program. The poem is rather long not to have stanza breaks in it.
I think you shouldn't worry about people thinking this poem is nonsense because you explain thoroughly. A little too thoroughly. Think about rewriting the beginning so it matches the style of later in the poem, with more imagery. Instead of saying "I am tired," you can say something like "It is 2:00 am / and the world has narrowed to dark tunnels to my eyes." (referencing dark circles around your eyes, etc.) Use more description in the less image heavy parts.
Use less line breaks. If you start new lines too often, and let the lines be too short, the poem seems choppy. Try rethinking your line breaks.
Other than that, I really like the imagery of the drowning man pulling you into the depths, but I think that perhaps a different image would be more appropriate. Since poetry is beautiful and enticing, perhaps you could use a siren pulling a sailor down into the deep of the ocean? I think it would be interesting.
Nice job. You just need to polish this a little by working on your line breaks, figuring out stanza breaks, and evening the levels of your imagery throughout the poem. Keep writing!
Whoa, this totally makes sense! (sorry, couldn't resist) :S
I love this!! Personally, couldn't have described poetry better. I especially love the lines:
"But if you give in
breathe that first gulp of water
let it flood into your lungs
and take away all sense
leaving only you
floating in the midst"
It's so beautiful!
I love the way it starts, too. My favorite part is:
"The paint is dry
so these words appear"
Like there are only 2 options, and you had to pick one.
I don't find no grammar misteaks.
Keep calm and write on!
~CuriosityCat