The Phoenix*
Feathers gone and beak dust dry
Wailing piteously, about to die.
Blackened body, defeated pose
An air of sorrow with her goes.
But still she does remember when
She was young, way back then.
Her head was once raised high in pride
Her heart once throbbed with glory inside.
She recalls how she used to fly
Soaring up through clouds so high.
Feathers shining like fire bright
Twisting, turning like a kite.
Swifter than the mighty wind
Always free and never pinned.
A streak of scarlet riding on air
A second sun too bright to bear.
Oh! The wonder of those days
Her beauty was enough to amaze.
Like lightning flashing over dark sky
Like golden leaves and cold July.
Now she sits sad and tired
When she was once so admired.
Silent now so frail and old
Once so radiant and so bold.
Taking one last deep breath
Preparing herself for sudden death.
She bursts into glowing flame
Emerges then, finally young again.
*Comments on how to improve this poem would be welcomed. 
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, this is going to be a really quick review but I just had to drop in and tell you nice job! The imagery is spectacular and I really enjoyed reading this!
All the best with your writing,
Eimear
Hi,
I'm reviewing this again because when I read something I generally try to review it because it irritates me so much when someone reads something belong to me and does not review.
I love your poem so much, it makes me happy
Can't wait to read some more of your work
-lg*
I really liked this poem, it reminded me of Fawkes in Harry Potter! Keep up the good work!
That was a very well writen poem.
[quote]
She recalls how she used to fly
Soaring up through clouds so high.
That (for example) could have been more descriptive
For example....
She recalls how she used to fly through the fluffy white clouds
Felling the cold light breeze through her thin layer of hair
That was an awful example (it was off the top of my head)
Take this in to consideration next you write.
Keep up the good work.
-BroadwayGirl
First off, I'ma praticular fan of phoenixes and rhyming poems, so it was no suprise that I though your poem was great. But, on top of that, you used great imagry and managed to make the meter run smoothly for the most part. This was truly a great piece! Keep on writing!
I thought the poem was good. It made sense and was about an animal that most people like and have heard of. I personally like the Phoenix, I think it is a magnificent bird.
awesome poem! The imagery is just FANTASTIC!
I love phoenixes, and this one made me think of Fawkes in Harry Potter (you know, the part where it's about to die). The rhyme scheme wasn't forced (which is a very good thing).
However, I thought that the last two lines didn't quite rhyme. I think that's what you call a "sight rhyme" where the words look like they should rhyme but really don't rhyme.
All in all a fine piece of poetry. Good job!
For one of your first posts, I have to say this is very good. The imagry works, and I didn't even notice the rhymes (the best style is the one you don't notice). Good work!
Dear Bubbles,
Thanks so much for the feedback.
Yours,
Lucky
Hey there,
Your rhythm is pretty solid and you have some great images in there. Kudos!
First off, welcome to YWS! Remember to keep you review to post ratio at roughly 2:1
Secondly - the poem! Wow! Congratulations on maintaining that rhyme scheme without having to bend over backwards to make it fit
There are one or two places where the structure was a little awkward; the second line of the fifth stanza, for example, and the last line. You may want to fiddle with the line length and word placement there to make it smoother. I also think that the first stanza is a little ... passive, if you know what I mean. We don't actually have a subject until the second verse. It might make the poem stronger if you start off by telling us definitively what you're talking about - but that could just be me.
Otherwise, I'd say the addition of a bit more punctuation (i.e. commas!) and fewer capitals (you don't need them at the beginning of each line, just at the beginning of new "sentences") might help to make it flow better.
Overall, a nice poem. I'll look forward to seeing you around the site!
Cheers,
~bubbles