Young Writers Society

First off, wow!
Fellow Homestuck here!
Alright, let's rock!

"spinning atoms and an absentminded dedication to nuclear theory" I think you've captured her interest in science here and also her shirt symbol! very well done.

"hair like drunken string physics and a demeanor that's the most wonderful sort of cheery" The looks of her hair? personality? Check! Check! First thing I thought of during this line was string physics at a bar (Laughs)

"widely-rimmed glasses reflecting a brilliant night sky and plants she's grown for years" Here you tie her glasses into the earlier mentioned physics which makes her seem like a nerd. I think you've captured it perfectly. The fact that you used the reflection of her glasses to show she is always looking up is wonderful. This also gives her an air of optimism and a little airy. It could flow smoother from the sky to the plants though but bonus points for adding another interest.
"a fondness for nostalgic shows and the sights of her rifle fixed on strange new frontiers"
I find it Ironic that you used the squiddles show and the rifle in the same line. It is strange but highly effective.
"watcher of the golden towers and the clouds that soar o’erhead"
Ahhh! Prospit! I love love love love how you used 'o'er'
"Jade Harley, Witch of Space and Savior of the Dreaming Dead" It's a lovely closing here. I'm a little confused about her being the 'Savior of the dreaming dead' but besides that, it's great.

Overall, you captured this character perfectly in just a few sentences. awesome job!

As a reader of Homestuck, I feel that this poem perfectly sums up Jade Harley. The scientific references and approach to describing her personality are spot on, and worded wonderfully. Mentioning her specibus of riflekind and her Prospit flights really add that final Homestuck touch.

A small nitpick would be the spacing, but that is just my personal opinion. Single spacing, to me, would make the poem slightly more appealing.

Altogether, great poem! I love it

short and sweet. Like it. I'm new but i'll look out for your work especially. I doubt i could right as mysterious as this but i never had an eye for science. It's good to read work like this, the world needs smart and intelligent young people. Especially in the English department.

Wow, Miri! I've never read any poetry by you, but I have to say that I'm very, very impressed with this piece. Jade Harley is one of my favorite Homestuck characters, and I love the way you described her. The science metaphors are perfect in context, considering that Jade is the Witch of Space and all.
If I were to have any criticism on this piece, I would say that the line, "carefree smiles and equally heartfelt tears" is a little bit disjointed from the rest of the rest of the poem, I don't think that it relates in as well with everything else that you've written, and it's a lot shorter as well (doesn't really match the style). I would either cut that line or I would expand on the line in a different way.
Otherwise, this is a really great poem! Thank you so much for writing!

Hi lucidity!

So I'll admit, I had to google who Jade Harley was once I saw that this was a fanfiction poem. I'm still not entirely sure who she is, since I've never heard of this MSPA, but I think you did a great job with describing her in the poem. You've got a nice rhythm going with the similes and the way you describe her details with some nicely worded imagery.

It's a small nitpick, but I think this poem would look nicer if you adjusted the format. To avoid double spacing, hold down the "shift" key when you press enter.

Other than that, nice job! Like I said, you did great with your imagery, and I especially liked the nice touch with the rhyme scheme. You made it rhyme without making it feel forced, which is a good thing. Forcing a rhyme can make the entire poem choppy and then you have a yucky flow that isn't really a flow, so be proud of that. Nice work. ^^

-Iggy

Hi, rikki here for a small review.
You seem to be a big fan of science and technology like me. Its indeed a good thing to think about science and technology. Composing something that too with a poetry like structure related to atomic and nuclear physics in the initial stage ,continuing to zoology and ending up with clouds,sky and perhaps astronomy is something that might have never been though of before.

The piece seems short and could be a delight for those who like science and technology and are eager to compose something out of it.

I like a few first lines as: " spinning atoms and an absentminded dedication to nuclear theory

hair like drunken string physics and a demeanor that's the most wonderful sort of cheery

widely-rimmed glasses reflecting a brilliant night sky and plants she's grown for years "

The ending line is really good: "Jade Harley, Witch of Space and Savior of the Dreaming Dead "

Had to read this one quite a few times before comprehending but it is definitely short and sweet.

May you be inspired and motivated and keep writing at your level best.
All the very best mate.