Published January 15, 2012
Hate me more, love me less
stab a knife into my chest
I don't know my own deal
I know this pain is real
but with this life comes regret
So don't leave and don't forget
It is here I forever change
my life will never be the same
I'd rather be weak than strong
All through life I was wrong
So love me more, hate me less
pull this knife out of my chest
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi
First of all, I love the idea behind this. It's very relatable and readers will be able to sympathise with it. Your rhyme scheme is constant, which is good, but you stopped capitalising your letters at the beginning of each line part way through the first stanza. I'd either choose constant capitalisation, or no capitalisation (excapt for the first of each stanza, those you want to capitalise).
I'll go right out and say that this is my favourite stanza of them all. I like the decision behind it.
I think that the flow needs a little bit of work - it just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as smoothly as it could, and it's important that it does.
I don't know if it's just me, but I find the second stanza a little confusing, the first line especially. But I'm blonde, so I may just be missing something ridiculously obvious.
You might have missed an 'r' in the fourth line of the third stanza, too.
Overall, a nice poem, great topic and I love your wording. Good work!